A nurse on the front line of the coronavirus fight is haunted by the sound of critically ill patients’ ringing phones as distraught families call to talk “just one more time”.
Sharing a picture of herself in tears, Aleixandrea Macias has bravely told of her mental health struggle during the pandemic, saying healthcare workers will be left with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) when “this is over”.
Revealing just how grim and desperate the battle is, she said: “No one has left our unit yet except in a body bag.”
Mrs Macias, a mum from the US city of Brownsville, Texas, said she has been treating many young people with no previous medical problems, and she had never taken care of someone before “that is so healthy but at the same time so deathly sick”.
The US has become a new epicentre of the Covid-19 outbreak which began in China as early as December.
It has recorded more than 400,000 confirmed cases of the highly contagious virus – including more than 8,200 in Texas – and almost 13,000 deaths, as of Wednesday morning.
In a Facebook post that has been shared more than 44,000 times, Mrs Macias has tears streaming down her cheeks and there is a sore on her nose from wearing a protective mask that must be worn tightly against the face.
She told how she was having a hard time finding anything positive to say and continued to feel “beat down” while caring for Covid-19 patients on a “makeshift” intensive care unit that doesn’t have enough staff or supplies.
She wrote: “I have never seen anything like this before, never taken care of someone that is so healthy but at the same time so deathly sick.
“I can’t count the times I have heard ‘well we could try and do this but we don’t have this’.
“I’m not an ICU nurse at all, but neither is hardly anyone else working these units now.”
Mrs Macias said she has told her husband Julio two days in a row that “I want to come home”.
She added: “But he talks me back off the edge each time because he knows how much I would regret leaving because at this point anybody at all helps. So I’m still here. Day 11 is done.”
The nurse painted a grim portrait of the ICU, saying so far none of her patients had survived.
She wrote: “No one has left our unit yet except in a body bag. I’ve struggled to find my purpose being here, but strangely enough Julio knew why before I ever did.
“I’ve seen patients arrive on our unit not yet sedated or vented but in extreme respiratory distress and beyond frightened. I have explained what COVID is doing to their body, what the risks are of being intubated vs not, and I have listened as these people have called their family members for the very last time prior to being intubated.
“If I can leave here with anything at all, I can know that I helped give them those last moments with their family.
“After they are sedated, their personal belongings are still there.”
“Their phones still ring. That’s the worst is listening to the phones ring knowing someone is calling and praying they will answer just one more time.
“These people are not old. They are young. Many with no medical problems. Strong people, physically fit.
“One who even worked 5 jobs at a time until Covid ravaged his body. This virus kills people. They all die at some point, it’s just been a game of seeing how long we can keep them half alive.”
Medics on the front line of the crisis have been facing an overwhelming and bleak scenario, and it is taking their toll on many of them.
Mrs Macias said healthcare workers will need plenty of support during and long after the pandemic.
One of the most upsetting things for her has been watching people die alone.
She wrote: “I feel like our efforts are futile, but I still try so hard and get so upset because I know that if it were Julio or anyone in my family laying there I would want the same done.
“When their bodies finally give up fighting, we place them in a body bag. I’ve seen hundreds of people die as a nurse, but they are usually surrounded with loved ones or we give family time to see them to say their goodbyes.
“Not with COVID. There is no closure for anyone in this.
“I can’t explain to you how bad this hurts, how real this is, and how afraid I am knowing that it could get like this in my own hometowns.
“I can’t make you guys do anything, but I am literally begging you to listen to us healthcare workers and take this seriously.
“My heart hurts so bad tonight for these families who have lost people entirely too soon, for those who are sick and absolutely terrified, and for all of us who will surely have some form of PTSD after this is over.”
