A woman has confessed she has sex with elves, revealing they have “glittery” sperm and are “very flexible”. Hallgerdur Hallgrimsdottir, who said she was an elf sex expert and has even written a book called Please YoursELF, boasted she had “loads of orgasms” while enjoying love-making with elves.
“Sex with humans is boring,” the Icelandic artist told a video interview with Vice.
“Elves sort of know what you want in bed. They don’t need to ask what you want, they can read your mind and maybe even know better of what you want than you do which is very incredible.”
She was full of praise for elves’ nimble bodies.
“They are very flexible so can use potions which would not be possible as human beings,” Hallgerdur recounted.
Showing a book of elf sex positions, she said: “This is a picture of one of the crazy positions that an elf can do.”
In it the elf is bent over backwards, his head facing skywards.
Of another, she said: “He’s standing up and she’s sort of up with her feet on his shoulders. “He’s performing oral sex on her. “They have incredible tongues.”
Size isn’t an issue with elves, she added. “With elves, size doesn’t matter.”
And that isn’t the only impressive thing about them – because they have shiny sperm.
She explained: “Elf sperm is quite shimmery, glittery.”
And making love to an elf won’t leave you wanting.
“You will definitely have an orgasm with an elf,” she said. “I’ve had loads of them.”