Waiting while dating is an exercise in self-discipline and above all other things, discipline is what you need most.
Celibacy goes against the grain of bodily desires.
As a [young] adult, your body is wired to crave sexual release and the fact that your mind becomes tuned to celibacy does not mean your body will be.
There will be times when it will be nearly impossible to keep the sexual urges under control.
So when you find yourself in situations like this, what do you do? Here are seven useful tips that could help you out:
1. Don’t dwell on it
It’s impossible to not have flashes of sexual desire every now and then but because you do not want to have sex, you need ways to drown out the thoughts. It’s easier to abstain from what you are not thinking about. So try to not dwell too much on it.
It probably won’t be easy. But it’s what you signed up for.
2. Get busy
Invest yourself into something that requires your time, dedication, energy and all. The busier you are, the easier it will be to get lost in activities and forget about yourself and the urges, even if momentarily.
3. Guard your space
Keep to the barest minimum anything that will lessen your inhibitions and trigger the desire for sexual contact. Movies, clips, photos, people, etc.
Mind you, spending time with your partner will also sometimes trigger this desire. Your discipline will especially be most tested in these periods.
4. Know when to run
Never trust yourself in dangerous situations. Better avoid the situation than try to stop the action midway through it.
You know what they say: Na from clap dance dey start.
5. Talk to someone
Yeah, it could be quite awkward to ask one or two married people you know if they waited for sex before marriage.
But then, if you somehow know someone who managed to abstain from sex before tying the knot, talk to him or her. It’d require some kind of close relationship to get to the point of speaking about something as intimate as this but if you’re lucky to have such a person, ask them how they did it.
Their solutions could come in handy for you.
6. Discipline
The truth is that none of these things mentioned above will completely, absolutely take away the urges. There can be nothing to take that away as it is a natural phenomenon which, to an extent, even confirms your healthiness.
At some periods it could be quite a real struggle to rein it all in; but then again, putting these urges under control is the very underpinning idea of celibacy and you must have known that before embarking on this kind of relationship. This is why the need for sexual discipline cannot be overemphasised.
7. Will it be worth it in the end?
Never forget to keep asking yourself this question, and reminding yourself of the real reason why you decided to abstain from sex before marriage.
Constantly reminding yourself of this reason will also help keep your urges at bay. It’s like setting a personal target and meeting it.
You’ll be happy with yourself, and feel a sense of pride and satisfaction if you see it through. And again, all struggles you overcome make you stronger, right?
