Everyone has bad days, but unresolved anger is something deeper.
Most people can roll with a rough day, take a breath, and move on once things calm down. But when one bad day starts turning into another and another, it may no longer be just stress or a rough patch.
It could be unresolved anger showing up in ways someone has not yet fully noticed. Anger is a normal human emotion, but when people carry it around for too long, it can start to change how they talk, react, blame others, and pull away from the people around them.
The behaviors below are signs that someone may be carrying around a lot of unresolved anger, along with a few healthier ways to start changing course.
People carrying around a lot of unresolved anger often display these behaviors:
- They blame other people for almost everything
If we find that we’re overly critical or judgmental in specific situations or across the board, we could be harboring some self-inflicted anger. Blaming others can also stem from needing to be right all the time or not seeing ourselves as possibly part of the problem.
Instead… practice putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Before we judge, overreact, or verbally assault someone, we can think about how we would feel if we were in another person’s situation. Knowing how we would feel if the shoe was on the other foot can help temper our responses.
2. They overreact quickly, and other people have noticed
If someone takes every small comment personally or becomes verbally harsh, this could be a sign of underlying anger. When other people start feeling like they have to walk on eggshells around us and have limited to no compassion for others, it may be time to take an honest look at our thoughts and behavior.
Instead… accept that you won’t be right all the time.
Obviously we know, at least intellectually, that we cannot always be right. But when we are stuck in long-term anger, it can be hard not to feel this way and react as if we believe we are right or infallible.
Acceptance is realizing that sometimes we don’t have all the facts, so we can’t have all the answers, and we can’t always be right. Acceptance is being okay with that, which leads to finding compassion and humility in ourselves and others.
3. They pull away from other people
When we become angry with everyone and everything, we may start to limit our social interactions to avoid outbursts or situations that might set us off. In addition, we could start feeling ill more regularly.
Anger has negative physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual side effects that can also keep people from enjoying spending time with others, limiting their tolerance levels, and therefore withdrawing from their normal social circle.
Instead… seek out someone to talk with about our anger.
This is a good time to locate someone to confide in who will not just dismiss your feelings, coddle you, or over-indulge you in extremes. Find a person (therapist, anger management specialist, close friend, or family member) or group of people who will listen, respond non-judgmentally, and offer positive insight and inspiration.
When we are angry, especially when it’s consistent, it’s easy to see things negatively; anger overshadows and overpowers. Finding the light is difficult when we can’t see anything but darkness.
But giving ourselves a tangible reminder that there is always light available to us can offer us a simple ray of hope.
A photo, a necklace, a quote, and even a flashlight can serve as a physical reminder that our inner light exists. When the going gets tough, even someone experiencing long-term grief can find the way back to their light essence.
Pamela Aloia is a certified feng shui consultant, a certified grief coach, a Reiki master/teacher, and an author helping people become better versions of themselves through individual sessions, energy work, meditation, and more.
