Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my twenties and recently I reconnected with a guy I knew at university.
I’ve always fancied him – he’s hot, clever and really funny – but I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with anyone right now.
We’ve started sleeping together, but I’ve been honest that I’m not looking for anything exclusive because I’m not ready for it.
He agreed and said he was okay with that but I don’t think he’s being honest, and I’m worried about seeing him if he’s emotionally attached and hoping for more from me.
Is it fair to keep going with this or should I end it before he gets hurt?
I love and respect him as a person and don’t want to do anything to upset him. Please help!
Coleen says
You’ve been honest, which is good, however, if you think he’s getting more attached, then the thing to do is bring it up with him and talk about your concerns.
Ask him how he’s feeling about it – is he still okay with a casual arrangement? Of course, he might say he’s fine with it because he just wants to see you, so ultimately you have to be the judge on whether to keep going.
And, look, he’s a grown man and he’s capable of making his own life choices, so as long as you’re honest, you can’t blame yourself if he says he’s fine, but then ends up hurt.
Just don’t lead him on to make him think it will ever be anything more than this, for instance, saying things like: “I wonder if we’ll end up together.”
Keep everything in the present.
