Couples fight
Couples fight

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for four years and dated my husband for a year before we tied the knot. I had no doubts at all about marrying him – we seemed to be the perfect fit and it felt very passionate and exciting at the time.

However, as the months and years have gone on, I’ve started to question whether I did the right thing and that perhaps we rushed into marriage too quickly.

We’re actually very different people and, I’m sorry to say, he’s very boring. I’m a very go-getting person and I’m always trying to push us to try new things and just enjoy life a bit more, but he hates breaking out of his comfort zone.

To be frank, the whole marriage feels like a huge disappointment.

I’ve recently met another guy I really clicked with and find him so attractive. We haven’t slept together or even admitted how we feel (he’s married too), but there’s incredible chemistry between us.

He’s been away for a couple of weeks with his family and I’ve really missed him, to the point where I’m considering telling him how I feel.

I could really do with some advice.

Coleen says

You sound bored and I think the way you feel about this man probably has a lot to do with what he represents to you, which is passion and excitement – basically, what’s missing in your marriage.

You don’t need me to point out the obvious, but I’ll do it anyway – you’re both married and it sounds like he also has kids, so starting something is a very big deal.

Before you do anything with this guy – or anyone else for that matter – give some proper thought to your marriage. Things aren’t working, but is it really just down to your husband? Why aren’t you close any more? Have you stopped communicating with each other? Can you find a way back to capturing how you felt when you first got together?

You loved him and fancied him enough to marry him only four years ago and had absolutely no doubts when you walked down the aisle.

So, I would put some effort into your marriage before throwing in the towel and you have to start by being honest with your husband.