Good evening auntie Abena,
I and my husband have been married for 5 years but I have known him for 9 years. Although before we got married, I noticed he was a quick tempered person and when even he gets angry he demands for stuff he willingly gave to me. My dad wasn’t happy with me when I told him I wanted to start a family with my husband but we got married anyways.
I must say he’s a good person when he’s in a good mood. But because of his temper and how he behaves sometimes, I started losing my love for him. It got to a point we will be in the same room and I won’t even feel his presence. If we have to communicate then it’s about our children, so, I told him I don’t want to marry again.
He has agreed but with a condition that I will be available for him when even he wants to have something (intimacy) to do with me. That if I decline he won’t take care of the kids which he has started doing.
I asked him if he won’t married again or what. He told me even if he gets married again I will still have to do what he’s asking for because he loves me but it’s me who doesn’t. To the extent that he wants me to take an oath that I will do as he says. If not I can go with the children and he will not go for any lady but will master because he knows when we aren’t officially divorced, I can’t have anything to do with a man. I can’t be in an unhappy marriage too. What do I do please?
ADVICE FROM AUNTY ABENA
It sounds like you’re dealing with a challenging situation in your marriage. Your husband’s behavior is troubling, and it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Here’s some advice:
1. Communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about how his behavior is affecting you and your relationship. Listen to his perspective as well, but be clear about your feelings and boundaries.
2. Consider seeking couples therapy or counseling to address the underlying issues in your marriage and learn healthier ways to communicate and resolve conflicts.
3. Set clear boundaries in your relationship and assert yourself if they are crossed. Let your husband know what behavior is acceptable to you and what is not.
4. Take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. Prioritize self-care activities and surround yourself with supportive friends and family members.
5. Reflect on whether your husband’s behavior is part of a larger pattern of control or manipulation. Consider seeking individual therapy to explore your feelings and options for the future of your marriage.
Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and loved unconditionally. If your husband is unwilling to address his behavior and work towards positive changes, you may need to consider your own well-being and explore options for your future happiness.
I worked for 2 years without contract after retirement – GRA Boss
