Dear Coleen
I’ve been with my husband for 30 years – since we were both 22 – but the thought of spending another 30 years in a pointless marriage is depressing beyond words.
We haven’t had sex for probably 10 years, even though we sleep in the same bed every night.
He’s emotionally disconnected from me and we can go hours or even days without having a conversation.
I still feel young at 52 and I don’t want to give up and make do with this.
He’s so hard to talk to, though, and I feel as if things have gone so far down the line that they’re beyond saving.
I don’t know what to do.
Coleen says
OK, I think you need to tell him directly that you’re miserable and the marriage hasn’t been good for a very long time. Then the next thing to address is – what do you do about it?
The truth is, you can spend every day with someone and not have a connection. You can be married and still feel desperately lonely because the relationship is broken.
In long-term relationships, when sex and emotional intimacy disappear, many people just think that’s what happens when you’ve
been together so long and it’s a question of getting on with it.
Well, that might be true if both partners feel that way and are happy with friendship and companionship, but that’s not the case with you and your husband. You want more, but you can’t fix your marriage on your own – he has to make the effort too.
My advice is, don’t settle. The next 30 years could be the best of your life.
