As the clock ticks towards midnight and the year comes to an end, the feeling of renewal and the promise of what’s to come is palpable.
Many people make New Year’s resolutions to start fresh in many areas of their lives, and falling in love is often high on the list. When it comes to relationships, are you nice or naughty?
Your past dates are the only people who can really answer this. As a new year demands reflection on the past as well as looking forward to the future, pause to consider your less-than-ideal memories.
Did you push someone away, miss out on a romantic opportunity, or were you perhaps overly critical of others? As we reflect back, let’s open the door to a new chapter of love and explore the possibilities that lie ahead in the realm of relationships. (Also read: Relationship stress? Check out 10 ways to rescue and revive your bond).
“If you find yourself single this holiday season, reluctant to do anything except stay home and indulge in various vices, take heart: it’s a time of year like any other. It’s just been so co-opted by capitalism that we’re bombarded with holiday images and expectations from early January through the New Year.
With media messages that the holidays are for couples and families, it’s easy to feel lonely and left out if you’re single. But instead of falling down that dark tunnel, try something unexpected—look for love during the holidays, on your own terms,” says Clinton Power, online relationship counsellor and marriage therapist in his recent Instagram post.
Tips for finding love in New Year
1. Stop the train of negativity
You have up to 68,000 thoughts a day, and most of these are repetitious. If you’re constantly thinking, “I’m terrible and I don’t deserve love,” this will become your reality. When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, notice them, and then move them out of your head. Do this enough and the negative thoughts will stop coming, or, if they do, they’ll carry little weight and won’t drag you down.
2. Reach out to old friends
If you’ve lost touch with someone you care about, reach out to them at this time of year. And while you’re at it, ask your old friends to introduce you to their new crew. You might meet a new love through an old friend. Unlike an online dating service, your old friends can actually tell if it’s a promising fit.
3. Accept invitations and look your best
To find love when it seems like everyone else is shopping or watching television, you have to stretch your comfort zone. Making the effort to get dressed up and go to a holiday dinner will lift your spirits, once you’re there. Looking your best, for no other reason except you want to, is a kind of gift for your body, which works hard for you every day.
4. Heal the old wounds
This point seems driven into us everywhere we go, but it’s still true: you can’t go forward with strength and clarity if you don’t start from a place of calm. If you’re still feeling old wounds from previous relationships, or even previous holiday seasons that went horribly wrong, it’s hard to start a new relationship with a clear mind and an open heart.
5. Practice little rituals
Little rituals repeated daily will help to let go of past hurts. Some people find it helpful to keep a house shrine, others take the same walk every morning, and some of us just have a chair we like to sit in and drink tea. Rituals are steadying, and over a period of time, they have the power to ground your loose wires.
6. Take risks
Possibly the hardest thing to do when you’re feeling low, taking an emotional (or even a physical) risk can get you out of your head and into your sensory perceptions, which is where life gets more interesting. It takes some courage to confront our habits, but it could be a way to change your relationship to the holiday season as well as find a new love in your life.
