Dear Coleen

I met a man in May 2020 and moved in with him, as I felt sure we had a loving relationship. Things were good until one night, after a couple of glasses of wine, he commented that if my best mate was single and he was single, he would “give her one”.

I was devastated, completely gutted, and actually moved out. He told me he still loved me and that he wanted me back, so I did return.

A couple of days later, I received a text message saying, “Sorry, I can’t do this – you ended it, so I don’t love you any more”. I couldn’t believe it and felt so hurt and belittled.

Just two weeks later, he got together with someone else, asked her to move in and even talked about marriage. I decided to contact this woman to tell her to be careful and, after talking to her, I realised he’d lied about our ­relationship. He’d told her he never loved me and that I was convenient, easy, needy and mad! I wasn’t mad, I was angry that he’d hurt me.

Soon afterwards, she ended her relationship with him.

He contacted me, told me I was a fat, ugly nutter and to leave him alone.

I’m 52 and still struggling with how this man has hurt me and left me feeling like trash. I’m a good person and I did love him. He got together with someone else just six days after his last girlfriend left! How can I feel better about all of this?

Coleen says

Well, simply by telling yourself every day that you’ve had a lucky escape from this guy and discovered what he was really like before you were with him for any longer.

My advice is not to get involved from this point on and don’t bother messaging any women he’s dating – he’s not your issue now.

Some of them will probably just think you’re a bitter ex-girlfriend, plus it also gives him an excuse to get in touch with you and fire off insults. I would literally block him from your phone, your social media and your life, and move on.

I understand you feeling angry and hurt, and even stupid for letting him into your life, but you mustn’t beat yourself up about falling for him and not seeing what kind of person he is.

People like him can be extremely charming and very manipulative, so you don’t really see who they are until you’ve been with them long enough to get hurt.

Don’t waste any more of your time thinking about him or who he’s dating – think ahead and look forward to happier future without him in it.