Dear Philip,
I think this is the best time for me to respond to the message you sent me on the night of 11th August 2020. The day I received the message, you remember I texted back to ask if indeed that message was for me. You responded, “Who else would I send such a message to?” Sadly, I wasn’t even aware that we were dating.
We met on a Facebook group. I wrote a comment and a few minutes later, you came to write your comment under mine. It was funny and I liked the way you put your words together. That’s where we started interacting. Minutes later you sent me a friend request and I accepted because why not? It’s a digital space and we are allowed to meet who we want to meet. From that day on, you commented on everything I wrote on my wall and we had a healthy conversation.
I was sleeping one evening when you sent me a message, “I like your personality and would like to know you more. Why don’t you give me your number so I call you sometime?” I didn’t hesitate. I gave you my number and that same night you called. I must admit, you know how to keep a conversation going. You made me laugh and made me convinced that you’re a lively person. That’s why I accepted to meet you in person. I was impressed with your online personality, so much so that I was eager to meet you offline to see what you are made of.
We met, we ate, we drunk, and called it a night. A week later, I showed you where I live and you came bearing a gift. I was so happy to have you around and I was so happy you brought useful gifts. On my birthday in June this year, you took me out on a diner, where you introduced me to someone as your girlfriend. I laughed, thinking it was one of your usual jokes. Honestly, I didn’t even think about it to even ask questions about it. To me, we were friends caught up in a fun web.
That night I saw the look in your eyes and knew what was on your mind. It felt like you had something to tell me. You looked buoyed, like a boy in love. I waited to hear what you have to say but you didn’t say anything till the night died and we went home. That was the closest we ever got romantically. You never proposed and I never accepted. “Maybe, he’s not sure of me,” I said to myself but if you did propose, I can imagine myself saying no to you because you appeared too good to be true.
After that night, your messages didn’t come as they used to. You didn’t call as often as you did and you didn’t come looking for me like you used to. I thought you were busy. Or something came up that needed your attention. I didn’t ask why because I felt it wasn’t in my place to ask that question. You called when you wanted to call so you could decide not to call and that was alright. But when the silence got too loud, I sent you a message, “Hey Philip, are we fighting or you are too busy to check up on me these days? Anyway, I hope you’re good. Stay bless.”
I sent the message on 9th August. You read it and didn’t respond. My message was left lonely and not cared for in your inbox. I saw the blue tick and asked myself, “Is there something wrong with this guy?” On the 10th of August, I called your phone. Two consecutive times I called your line but you didn’t pick up. “Well, we all have demons we fight with at some point in our lives. Maybe, his demons don’t like it when he responds to calls and messages,” I said to myself. I decided I wasn’t ever going to contact you again until you do.
Only to wake up on the 11th of August to read this message from you;
“Dear Lucy,
It hurts my heart to say this to you but I can’t continue any longer. This short while that we’ve been together, you’ve shown me the deepest love I haven’t found in any woman. It made me happy and it made me want you more but I can’t continue this relationship with you again. You’ve been a wonderful girlfriend and I appreciate it but we have to break up before things get out of hand.”
I read the message over and over again, trying to figure out where it fits in the scheme of things. “I can’t continue this relationship with you again..” Which relationship? “You’ve been a wonderful girlfriend..” To who, you? How could you date someone who wasn’t aware you were dating her? I needed clarification and you said, “Who else would I send such a message to.”
Let me tell you what I did after reading your message…
I pretended I was heartbroken. I cried myself to sleep and woke up at dawn to post on my status, “Love is not fair. How could he leave just like that.” I went to the same bar we went the following day and ordered the same drink we drunk. I took too much until I got intoxicated and begun to vomit. A stranger brought me home that night. I refused to pick calls from my friends because I knew they were going to console me. I refused to be consoled. Your kind of heartbreak cuts deeper than a sharp knife. I didn’t eat for three days. I lost some weight and my face became a drawing board of tears. How else could I act out a heartbreak that didn’t exist?
When you break up with a girl who wasn’t aware you were dating her, she also pretends that it hurt so she could act as though she’s brokenhearted.
