We dated for a year before the opportunity came for him to travel to Europe. It was tough letting him go that far from me. Our love was new and our dreams were high up in the sky.
I believed sticking together would help us achieve our dreams quicker. He had a good job he was doing so I wondered why he would let all that go and travel outside of the country.
He assured me; “I have to do this for our future. It’s not easy down here. Going there would give us the biggest opportunity to make it. You don’t have to worry. You’ll join me right after marriage.”
His words were sweet and straight to the point but they couldn’t burn the fire in my heart. The fact that I was not going to see him again for a very long time got me scared. A lot of stories also came to mind. Lovers travel and forget about their love stories. They go ahead and begin a new one.
To them, out of sight means out of mind. They meet a new horizon. They move on without thinking of the hearts they’ve left behind. I enumerated all my fears to him. He said, “You have nothing to fear. We are two different people so we deserve a different story from all the stories you’ve told me. Just trust, we would end up just the way we had dreamed.”
He traveled abroad and as he promised me, nothing changed between us. Our hearts continued growing fonder and fonder. We talked every day and night. When he had the time, we spent hours on end on our phones, chatting and making video calls. Two years later, he came back to Ghana. I was the only one he informed about his decision to come back to Ghana. His family didn’t know about it. The day he arrived at the airport, I was there to receive him. We even spent a night together before he went home the following day. He was here with me. My heart was finally at home. I could smile and be at ease because the love of my life was back home.
He spent three months in Ghana. Just a couple of weeks before he traveled back to Europe he said, “The next time I come back home, we would get married but before I leave, I want to perform the knocking rite. I want to put things on official grounds so it would be easier for us to get married on my return.” I said, “Perfect. That’s very great. Let’s do it.”
On that very day, he came home with his mum and dad and two of their family members. It was short and precise. My parents accepted the drink and asked when the marriage itself would happen. He said, “I’ve spoken about it with her. I would go back and get ready. I’m not sure how long but it wouldn’t be more than two years. If nothing at all, I will travel back because of the wedding.” My mum chipped in, “I hope you won’t marry her and leave her here. Young couples deserve to be together.” He responded, “That’s why I’m taking my time to prepare very well before the marriage. By the time I return, everything would be in place for us to be together right after marriage.”
You could imagine my happiness. You could imagine the fulfillment and pride in my heart as I watched him give all that assurances. He traveled back and we continued loving each other from the distance. Nothing changed. Love was still love. We were still the same two adults in love.
I’m in the same church as Adelaide. We belong to the choir together. She used to live in our neighborhood until her parents left for another suburb not too far away from our neighborhood. The bond between me and Adelaide was strong. We went to church together and came back home together after church. My friends became her friends and her friends also became my friends.
My boyfriend used to send me things through people who were coming to Ghana. He would buy clothes, perfumes, jewelry and send through someone who was on his way to Ghana. It happened often and Adelaide knew about it. One day she asked me, “Is he going to send things to you any moment from now?” I said, “I don’t know but immediately he gets to know that someone is coming to Ghana, he will definitely send something through that person.” She said, ”Kindly let me know. I’m buying something online but the shipping cost is even more expensive than the price of the item itself.” I asked what it was and she said necklace. I said, “That wouldn’t be a problem. I will talk to him and see how it goes.”
I spoke to him about it. He didn’t want to. He thought it was something bigger. I said, “It’s only a necklace.” He agreed. He told me, “Give her my address. They can ship it here. When I get it, I will send through someone to her.” I was the middle person. My boyfriend would give me information and I will tell Adelaide. Adelaide will say something and I will tell him. It got to a point it became so confusing so I asked my boyfriend, “Is it alright if I give your number to her? You two can chat and know how to go about things.” He said, “No problem. You should.”
Is the little things we do that cause us huge problems—usually the kindness we do with a clean heart that brings us down.
I know my boyfriend. I know him too well that when he changed, I felt it. He wasn’t calling the way he used to. He stopped talking about our future plans. Anytime I was on the phone with him, he was in a hurry to leave. I would call his line and he wouldn’t pick but won’t return my call too.
“Babe, what’s wrong? Is there anything I’ve done wrong?”
“Oh, nothing. You don’t have to worry. It’s just that work is getting busy each passing day. But we are fine.”
“I remember those days. When you were going to get busy, you told me ahead of time. Even during those periods, you’ll still get the time to talk to me. What has changed now?”
“You worry too much. I’m good. Nothing has changed. Stop thinking.”
“If you say so.”
Things got worse after that conversation. He will be online but won’t respond to my messages. When I complain, he’ll get angry and stop talking to me for over a week. I was getting scared. I told my parents about it. My mom said, “I will pray for you but don’t relax. The devil has your time so you should also have the time for him. Pray for him and leave the rest to God. If it’s his will, things will change.” I started praying. I even fasted. Nothing changed.
One day his mother called to ask me what was going on. I said, “Mom, it’s been like this for a while now. He doesn’t call me. He doesn’t care. Maybe he’s no longer interested in me.” She said, “Do you know he’s in Ghana? He’s been around for a week. I’ve seen him only once.” I was shocked. I screamed, “Really? I know things are bad but I didn’t know it’s gotten to a point where he will be home and not tell me.” She said, “There’s something wrong with his head. Even his own family, he doesn’t talk to us.”
I tried all I could to see him but he kept giving me excuses. It’s either he was at the port or he had traveled to see a friend. I said, “Just show me where you live. I will come around to see you. If even for a second.” He said, “Don’t worry. I will come and see you when I get some free time.”
Just a couple of weeks ago, A friend in the choir asked me, “Are you aware Adelaide is traveling abroad? I learned his boyfriend is in Ghana to take her away.” I said, “She hasn’t told me about that so I don’t know.” She said, “You know she tells me everything. The guy is very handsome. They even look alike.” She went ahead to show me pictures. I nearly collapsed. “What? Adelaide in the same photo with my boyfriend? When did they meet? Where and how?” I asked her, “Who sent you these photos?” She said, “She posts them on her status. Even on Facebook.” That was when I realized Adelaide has blocked me on Social media.
I called Adelaide’s phone and it was off. I called several times but it didn’t go through. My boyfriend wouldn’t pick my calls too so I went to Adelaide’s house to see things for myself. Her sister said, “Oh she didn’t tell you? She had traveled abroad.” I asked her, “With her boyfriend?” She said, “Oh that means you already know the story. Yeah her boyfriend came for her.”
I’ve cried for so many days—cold and hot tears. I’ve tried to get to them but none of them picks my calls. All I see are photos of them having fun and smiling together. It’s been hard for me but God has been on my side. My mother told me, “After this, you’ll be stronger. Most importantly, you’ll learn. You’ll learn to trust only God and not man.” My dad returned their drink. He said, “God knows best. It didn’t happen because he didn’t will it. It will rain again, don’t fold your umbrella yet.”
I’m nursing my pain. I’m getting better. Having the strength to share this story only shows how far I’d come with my healing. Things are getting better. I know one day, I will look back and laugh about it. Very soon, it will become part of my past. But I pray for them. Whenever I go on my knees, I pray they never encounter the kind of pain they caused me. The bible says we should pray for those who curse us and that’s exactly what I’m doing.
–Gladys
