Dear Coleen,
A couple of months ago I found out my husband had been having an affair with a woman at work.
I was completely devastated at the time, not to mention shocked, as it seemed so out of character.
We’ve always had a really solid relationship. However, the past couple of years have been tough on us and we struggled during the lockdowns to work and juggle two young children, one of whom has additional needs.
We kind of drifted apart and started to resent each other a bit, and also argued for the first time ever. Sex obviously wasn’t on the cards during this period.
To cut to the chase, he ended the affair, told me he still loved me but explained that he had lost his way. I agreed to give things another shot.
It’s become easier as the weeks have gone by and I can see how we ended up in this mess.
But my problem now is that I told some close friends and my parents about the affair.
Obviously, I felt angry and hurt when I found out and I needed to talk to people and share how I was feeling.
But now I’ve decided to move on with my husband, none of them has been supportive – they all think I should have left him after what he did.
We’ve seen these friends and my parents, and it’s been very awkward.
Have you any advice?
Coleen says,
I think it’s very easy for someone who’s not in the relationship and who doesn’t love your husband to make a judgment about how he’s behaved.
It sounds to me as if the pair of you are working through your issues and you both recognise why your marriage was vulnerable to an affair, which I think is very positive.
Most affairs don’t happen in a vacuum. Yes, sometimes it’s just an opportunity, but a lot of the time it’s because one partner is looking for something their relationship isn’t providing.
I think your family and friends probably feel hurt and betrayed by this affair, too, and also feel protective of you.
