Dear Coleen
I feel so devastated because I admitted to a man the other night that I was in love with him – and he told me that he didn’t feel the same way.
We’ve been friends with benefits on and off for the past few years and I knew I was getting attached and falling in love.
But I never wanted to admit it because I guess I knew deep down he didn’t love me back.
I’ve cried buckets since because when he left that night, he said it would probably be best if we didn’t see each other for a while because it would just be awkward and confusing.
He also said he loves me as a friend and can’t imagine me not being in his life.
I suppose I’ve found out that I just can’t do ‘casual’, but the worst thing is feeling that I’ll never be as close to him again and that our friendship has changed for good.
I’m so miserable and don’t know what to do. I feel like pleading with him and trying to change his mind, but I know that’s a bad idea.
He’s a really good person, actually, and it’s not a question of him playing the field, it’s just that neither of us has met someone special who’s blown us away, so we keep drifting back for sex.
Coleen says
Well, I don’t think either of you will meet that special person who blows you away when you keep drifting back together and having sex.
I can feel how hurt you are, but I think it was brave to admit you love him and at least now you know where you stand, and you can move on positively to make space in your life for someone else.
I don’t think it has to be the end of the friendship, but I think he’s right in that you both need some time apart to get on with your own lives and make some positive changes before seeing each
other again.
At the moment, it’s still raw, you’re hurting and you want more from this relationship than he’s willing to give, so you need some time out.
You deserve more than to be with someone who doesn’t love you back. You deserve a committed, fulfilling relationship where you’re not constantly worried it’s going to end if another woman arrives on the scene.
Good luck.
