For years, the gym was more than just a place to exercise for former Second Lady Matilda Amissah-Arthur.
It had become a painful reminder of the day her husband, former Vice President Kwesi Amissah-Arthur, collapsed while exercising and died shortly afterwards.
The memory was so difficult that Mrs Amissah-Arthur stopped going to the gym altogether, describing the place as one of the triggers that brought back painful emotions surrounding her husband’s death.
Recalling the day he died, she said her husband had woken up and decided to go to the gym, as the family often did together.
“He just woke up and said he was going to the gym. I went with him. We all go to the gym together. He collapsed in the gym,” she recalled.
She said after her husband was taken away for medical attention, she was initially told that he had been stabilised and would be kept for observation. But about 45 minutes later, she received the devastating news of his death.
Mrs Amissah-Arthur said she immediately requested an autopsy, despite the sudden nature of his death.
For her, however, the difficulty of losing someone is not necessarily determined by how they die or how long they had been ill.
“Death is death. It is not the fact that the person was ill three years or sudden death that makes it difficult to bear. It’s the fact of separation. That’s it.”
That realisation also helped her understand why certain places and activities could unexpectedly bring back powerful emotions.
She described these experiences as “triggers”, explaining that activities once shared with a deceased loved one can suddenly reopen memories of the person.
For her, the gym was one of such places.
“I couldn’t go to the gym. So I stopped going to the gym because it triggers memory,” she explained.
Interestingly, she did not stop exercising completely. A few years ago, while in Addis Ababa for work, she decided to confront the memory in a different environment.
“I said, ‘Lord, I need to break this thing in a foreign land.’ I took my gym clothes and every morning I went to the gym. And I broke it, it worked,” she said.
She also avoided attending the church where her husband worshipped because going there brought back memories, although she could drive past the location without difficulty.
For Mrs Amissah-Arthur, overcoming the fear was not simply about forcing herself, but making a conscious decision to confront something that had become emotionally difficult.
She believes faith can provide strength during grief, but personal determination is also necessary.
