A few weeks ago, my fiance broke off our engagement and I’ve been in a horrible pit of despair ever since then – I’m swinging between crying uncontrollably and spending hours in bed with the curtains closed.
I know things hadn’t been great with us in recent months – lots of arguments over big issues as well as trivial things, and we couldn’t seem to agree on much.
Then one weekend, he just told me he wanted out and thought it was better to admit how he felt now rather than go further down the line with wedding plans.
He said he’d fallen out of love with me, which was the hardest thing to hear.
He literally packed his bags that weekend and moved out and we’ve only exchanged emails over practical things like arranging to get the rest of his stuff.
I feel humiliated and stupid, but most of all I’m just utterly heartbroken and still can’t believe it’s all over and I’m sitting in our half-empty flat.
We were together for eight years and got engaged five years ago. How long will I feel like this?
Everyone feels sorry for me, which is also horrible. I want to move on, but don’t know how.
It helps to take it day by day, rather than thinking too far ahead.
Also, think of the positives – he could have led you on right up until the wedding or, even worse, admitted how he felt a few days afterwards.
You probably can’t appreciate this at the moment, but it won’t have been an easy thing for him to do. He will have been very aware of hurting you and of everyone else hating him, so I kind of respect him for admitting this sooner rather than later.
It’s interesting that you were engaged for five years, so maybe the fact you didn’t get married sooner is an indication that he (or perhaps both of you) had some doubts.
Nothing that people say right now, including me, is going to help with the heartbreak because you’re grieving for someone and it takes time to get over.
I understand that feeling of people pitying you, but it would be worse if they weren’t expressing how sorry they are. Why not tell them how you want to be supported?
All I can say from my own experience is, you will move forward and one day appreciate the good times in those eight years and also be glad that he broke things off when he did and not the night before the wedding.
And you will be able to see that you deserve to meet someone who will love you the way you want to be loved.