It happens to us all. You date someone for a few hot months before getting brave enough to admit that it’s not working out.
But you have so much in common and love spending time with each other! While you know that a romantic future with this person isn’t possible, why should you cut them out of your life completely? Is it ever possible to be friends with an ex?
Here’s what the experts have to say about transitioning into the friend zone.
1. You will need a cooling off period. Michael J. Salas, LPC-S, a sex and relationship therapist at Vantage Point Counseling Services in Dallas, says he usually recommends three months to let things settle before beginning a new relationship as friends. “This can allow minor pain from the relationship to at least scab over before you start building a relationship as friends,” he explains.
3. Establish solid mental boundaries. Once the cooling off period is over, Salas explains that it’s best to segue into hanging out within neutral environments like with other friends around. This way, there’s less likelihood that you’ll just stumble into bed together again if you’re just meeting up for coffee at a spot midway between your homes.
4. Consider how your new partners will feel about the friendship. Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, a couples counsellor and director of the Baltimore Therapy Center, explains that it’s also important to look at how your friendship with your ex could affect any new relationships. If your new partner is uncomfortable with you being BFFs with your ex, you should consider that and take it seriously. “If you don’t, it can destabilize your new relationship,” Bilek says.
5. Make sure you’re in a healthy enough place to start over. “You should not be friends if you are incapable of not discussing your past mistakes and the reason you broke up,” explains Katrina Pointer, LPC, a therapist based in Georgia. Simply ignoring whatever underlying issues caused your relationship to end doesn’t exactly set the stage for a super healthy friendship.
