The beauty of a relationship is being there for the other. It’s like knowing each other like the back of the hand, in being soulmates in the true sense. However, being soulmates mean that you are always this one half of a person and in turn incomplete?
This notion of depending on your partner or being the person that can be relied on can weigh heavily in a relationship taking it down south. If you want your marriage to last long then look after each other but also look after yourself. Interdependence in a relationship is not about being dependent on each other but balancing the ‘self’ with the other. It is about valuing the treasured bond you share with your partner while understanding that your dependence is not changing the partner or your very own existence. The crucial awareness of emotional dependence in a healthy and trusted way is what helps a relation breathe by itself.
If interdependence is so important, why don’t we recognize and practice it? One of the major reasons is that we are always taught to be dependent by society and that is the only way of living that we know of. When this dependence becomes toxic, we resort to complete independence that at times turns into separation.
If you think that you are spiraling down this trap of extremes, then its time you bring in some healthy interdependence in your life. Here are a few things you should consider if you want a sustained relationship:
Trust and space
Exposing your vulnerabilities with your partner is completely normal but make sure that both of you give each other a safe space to do it. Using past vulnerable behaviour in future fights creates a sense of distrust and resentment. In an intimate relationship like marriage it is important to build trust and ensure that both of you become each other’s safe space.
Experiment with new ideas
Communication can take you and your partner a long way and it is one of the major attributes of achieving the balance of interdependence. Listen to each other and provide space to speak. Any kind of resentment should not be kept within, but this resentment should also be shared in a more respectful and calm way.
Setting healthy boundaries is better than no boundaries at all. Giving each other space is at times taken negatively but if this space is shared in an understanding and mature way then it can be the best thing that happens to you.
Have ‘me time’
Take time for some personal hobbies. This may just be the advice couples receive from any kind of therapy. But indulging in personal hobbies should not come out as a therapy, it should be something we do actively. It may just be an adventure if both you and your partner seek an activity and assign days in a week for ‘me time’.
Taking responsibility of actions
Be vigilant about your words and actions. It is important to be self-aware and own up the consequences. This includes taking responsibility for what you do and apologizing when needed.
There is one part of interdependence where you are open, and your partner finds it easy to approach you with concerns and another part where you can address your needs and desires in a safe space created by your partner. These two are important and definitely not mutually exclusive.
There are many more ways through which you can introduce interdependence to your relationship like being social together and individually or giving up the act of constant pleasing, but the foundation of this concept is this feeling of contentment and ease and all the actions that can make you and your partner feel this ease.