Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three-and-a-half years. We get on great – soulmates, I’d say – but I get frustrated when it comes to sex because he never initiates it.

He’s a bit overweight and I think this is an issue for him. We usually make love in the dark (or at least with very low lighting) and I always have to take the lead.

I have mentioned his weight in the past, which I think hurt him, but I was trying to make him take his health more seriously and have more pride in himself.

I’d love some advice.

Coleen Nolan
Coleen Nolan is the Mirror’s resident agony aunt

Coleen says

Well, it will be insecurity on his part – he’ll be frightened of rejection and, of course, he’ll remember what you said about his weight and will worry you don’t find him attractive.

I think you need to have a discussion where you tell him that mentioning his weight had nothing to do with you not fancying him and not wanting sex, but you want him to be around as long as he can and want him to be healthy.

As part of this discussion, why not ask him why he doesn’t initiate sex? And tell him that it would be nice to feel that he really wants you.

Try to build his confidence with reassurance and being positive about what you love about him. Hopefully, that will go some way to helping his self-esteem.