Life has not been easy since the day you left my life. You took my happiness away and left me with so much pain and regret. I asked myself, “What did I do wrong and what should I have done that I didn’t do?” I searched my heart and searched my soul but there was not a single thing I could pinpoint and say, “Damn, I should have said that and I didn’t.” Or “Damn, I should have done this and that but I was too stupid to notice.” I won’t say I did everything for you. But I did everything that a loving boyfriend would do.
You were only nineteen when I found you. I found you in the church where both of us grew up. You were the pastor’s daughter and I was only a church member. When I realized I was in love with you, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to win you over but I was determined. I came as a friend and you accepted me into your life wholeheartedly. A year later, on your 20th birthday, I proposed to you and you said yes. It was the happiest day of my life. I knew I had found a woman I will spend forever with. You came with laws and rules for the relationship. Those didn’t bother me. You were all I wanted and I was ready to go all out until we reach the altar.
You said, “No sex until marriage.” I said, “No problem. A man like me can live without sex.” You said, “I will only kiss you once a year. That would be on my birthday. I will do that because it was the day I accepted your proposal.” I said, “No problem. If it makes you happy, it makes me happy too.” You said, “The day I catch you cheating, that would be the end of the relationship. You won’t have to beg because I won’t listen.” I said, “If I have you, who else would be worthy of my attention?”
I was always ready to play by your rules because I loved you so much. I didn’t care about making rules for you because love is love and rules don’t change the face of love.
On your 21st birthday, we had our first kiss in my car while driving you home from work. It didn’t last a minute but the joy it brought me lasted for days. On your 22nd birthday, we kissed again. That happened in my room. You said it was dangerous. I said, “Trust me, I won’t take more than I’m given.” After the kiss, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You looked different. Like you’ve encountered something bigger than yourself and it made you glow. I watched your wet lips and I wanted more but shoved me away and said, “That’s all you can get. On your 23rd birthday, we took it a notch up. You introduced me to your dad as your boyfriend. He said, “You think I didn’t know?” We both smiled and walked away from his presence. On your 24th birthday, we celebrated with a huge party in that hotel where your dad and mom blessed us with their prayers and wished us well.
Our hope was to get married after your 26th birthday but on your 25th birthday, the wind of change started blowing up in our relationship. You changed without explanation. I came to your office after work on several occasions to take you home as I always did but you told me, “There’s something I have to do for my boss so I’m going to work overtime.” That didn’t bother me but I wondered why you didn’t call to tell me until I got to your work premises. Love wouldn’t allow me to get angry with you even when you do something this annoying. I always came to pick you up after the close of work. Things I did for love.
You traveled to Dubai on your 25th birthday without telling me. I missed the kiss and I missed your presence but that didn’t hurt until your father told me on Sunday that you’ve traveled to Dubai. There were so many questions but I didn’t ask them; “What took you to Dubai?” “Who financed that trip?” “How come I didn’t know about it?” A lot of questions but I kept mute. On your 26th birthday, you received a car as a gift. You didn’t tell me who sent it and why he/she sent it. I missed my annual kiss too.
There were so many happening in your life that I didn’t know of. You kept me in the dark and played with different rules. You were no longer the nineteen year old woman I found so I trusted you’ll do the right things and make a better judgment of situations.
Then one evening I asked you, “You don’t talk about the marriage plans any longer. Have you changed your mind about us?” That was the point you decided I should know the truth. You said, “I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to get married. As you can see, we are no longer who we used to be.” Your answer hit me like a thunderbolt. “Since when did you decide we’re no longer going to get married? When did you decide we are no longer who we used to be? When?”
That day, you treated me like an infectious disease. You stayed too far from me and took a step backward anytime I tried to get nearer. I saw the signs but I figured I was seeing wrongly. I felt the change too but I thought I was being overly sensitive until you said it with your own mouth. I ran to your father to say some for me. He tried but you still said no. I called you several times apologizing for things I haven’t done but you still said no. You walked away just like that. I didn’t cheat, yet you walked away. What happened to the rules you made for us?
I wasn’t going to sit idle while you walked away without knowing the cause. So I started digging.
When things started going sour, you returned the laptop I gave you but you forgot to log out of your mails and Facebook. That’s where I started digging. I read the conversation between you and Alice. It was your boss who funded your trip to Dubai. He was the same person who bought you the car on your birthday. While I waited a whole year to get a kiss from you, your boss got it anytime he wanted it. I don’t want to imagine what happened when he met you in Dubai. I went through your mails too. I shook my head and cried. Men don’t cry is a lie.
But how could you do that?
Why give yourself away to your boss who’s married to a woman you call a friend? It didn’t prick your conscience that you were a daughter of a pastor and you were not raised to wreck a home? Or in your world, what matters are material things and things like values, principles and faith don’t matter to you? I was sad when your senior sister reached out to me and said, “We’ve spoken to her about her relationship with that man but she doesn’t seem to care.” How did you get there? From a girl who kisses once a year to a girl who sleeps around with her friend’s husband?”
It’s been over a year and you still move around with your boss. I learned he had moved you to head a different department. Congratulations. I learned his wife had confronted you on many occasions but you don’t bother. I heard also that you travel in out of Ghana at will. I’m happy for you but I won’t forget the pain you caused me and I will never forget all the sacrifices I made for your sake. Remember when you throw a ball to the wall, it comes bouncing back at you. The harder you throw, the harder it bounces to you. Keep rowing your boat gently off the stream. I pray you don’t ever fall off a cliff.