Tears flowed on Friday when the wives of the 8 compatriot heroes, who lost their lives on August 6 helicopter disaster in the Ashanti Region, took turns to eulogise their departed loved ones.

Source: Graphiconline

But what happens when love becomes something else entirely, when it starts to take and take until there’s nothing left of a person but their desperation to be wanted?

There is, however, a new trend of love. Although not officially recognized in the DSM-5, therapists and psychologists are very familiar with its patterns. It is described as Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD), and it involves obsessive attachment, emotional dependency, intense jealousy, and the inability to let go even when it’s causing harm.

Let me tell you about Angela, who fell into OLD through unrequited love. She was a 25-year-old when she met her 29-year-old boyfriend Heinrich while traveling and briefly had an affair.

However, she was crushed when Heinrich suddenly told her he was not in love with her after having an affair with her.

She sank into depression and repeatedly wrote him letters. She said, “I sent letter after letter asking him to call.”

After two weeks of silence, Angela couldn’t bear it anymore; she impulsively rushed to the train station and boarded the train to Berlin to confront him. Arriving at midnight outside his apartment, she was terrified and began sobbing uncontrollably.

According to her account, Heinrich eventually told her to sleep on a pallet, but when she wept “so long and so loudly” that he eventually came in to comfort her by having sex with her—and then sent her away the next morning.

What she experienced wasn’t just intense affection; it was a manifestation of Obsessive Love Disorder, a condition where love becomes an all-consuming obsession.

But what’s wrong with obsessive love? “It’s better than being cheated on or betrayed; at least you know that person likes you madly and will never leave you, in addition to loving you till the end,” one may say.

We often associate obsession with romantic relationships—the dramatic breakups, the clingy partner, the jealousy. But what we rarely talk about is how this same pattern, this deep emotional dependency, can happen in friendships, too.

We often celebrate close friendships as sacred—the person you can call at 2 a.m., your ride-or-die, your “other half.” But sometimes, what looks like closeness hides something far more painful. I’ve seen friendship turned into obsession. And it’s not just unhealthy; it’s dangerous.

What I witnessed wasn’t just someone being “a bit clingy” or “overly attached.” It was something deeper. Something that mental health professionals call Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD)—and yes, it shows up in friendships, not just romantic relationships.

We don’t talk about it enough, but OLD in friendships can be just as consuming. It can start subtly—one friend always needing constant reassurance, texting non-stop, panicking when the other doesn’t respond immediately.

Then it escalates. That person begins to build their entire identity around the friendship. They cancel their plans. They neglect their well-being. They stop pursuing their own goals. Everything becomes about being close to that one friend—keeping them, pleasing them, never upsetting them.

And when that bond is threatened even slightly, it feels like the end of the world.

I watched someone I care about spiral because their best friend made a new friend. It sounds small—until you see the tears, the anxiety attacks, and the depressive crash.

They began questioning their worth, stalking their friend’s social media, and blaming themselves for being “replaceable.” They even hinted that maybe the world would be better off without them—all because the person they felt safest with was no longer as available.

This is not drama. It’s a disorder. It’s pain. And it deserves to be taken seriously.

According to mental health experts, OLD is often rooted in deep emotional wounds. Many who struggle with it have experienced neglect or trauma in early life, leading to insecure attachments and an overwhelming fear of abandonment. For some, co-occurring disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder or OCD may intensify the symptoms.

In more severe cases, distorted beliefs—like those found in erotomania—can lead to dangerous assumptions and actions.

One of the most heartbreaking things about OLD is how completely someone can lose themselves in another person. They stop eating. They stop sleeping. They cancel their plans.

They give up hobbies, friends, and even opportunities, all to keep someone close—even if that person isn’t giving anything back. Every decision becomes about how not to lose the other person. Their own needs, their safety, their mental health—all of that gets pushed aside.

I’ve watched it happen. I’ve seen a friend apologize for things they didn’t do, beg for attention, and try to twist themselves into someone they’re not, just to be loved a little longer. And when that love was withdrawn even slightly, they spiraled. They didn’t want to live in a world where they weren’t chosen. That’s how dark it can get.

According to psychologists, people with OLD often have deep-rooted trauma or insecure attachment styles formed in childhood.

Some may also be battling conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder or obsessive-compulsive tendencies that intensify the fear of abandonment.

In these cases, their entire identity can become tied to someone else’s presence or approval—and when that presence disappears, so does their sense of worth. The emotional toll can be devastating. Many individuals with OLD report suicidal thoughts when they feel rejected or abandoned. They may say things like “I can’t live without them,” and they mean it.

Their brain isn’t processing a breakup or silence like an inconvenience; it’s interpreting it as emotional death. But here’s the thing: this isn’t about being “too emotional” or “dramatic.” It’s not just a rough patch. It’s a mental health crisis. And as friends, we need to recognize that.

But there is help available. Psychologists often recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help individuals identify and change harmful thought patterns around love and relationships.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), particularly effective for those with intense emotional responses, supports better emotional regulation and boundaries.

In some cases, medication may help manage underlying anxiety or depression. But before any of that, someone needs to step in.

Someone needs to care enough to ask a question, to start a conversation, to suggest that maybe—just maybe—what’s happening isn’t healthy.

Someone needs to say: “I see you. I see that this is breaking you. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

If you’ve ever seen a friend caught in something like this, I’m asking you—please—don’t dismiss it as “just heartbreak” or “a clingy phase.” These aren’t just moments of weakness or romantic overreactions. They can be signs of a serious emotional struggle that deserves attention and compassion.

Don’t stay silent. Reach out. Be gentle. Be kind. Encourage them to seek professional help.

Because behind the drama, the tears, and the late-night phone calls, there might be someone quietly drowning—and waiting for someone to throw them a lifeline.

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The 28-year-old songstress made this known in a recent interview with Flow With Korty, stating that she doesn’t think love is something that a person experiences mindlessly but rather deliberately and with open eyes.

While acknowledging that she hasn’t felt anything for anyone, Tems stated that she thought someone could mistake infatuation for love.

She said, “I haven’t been in love. Loving someone for me is more of ‘I see you and I still want to be in your life. Even though you annoy me sometimes, I choose you and I choose you.

“I would like to be in love, to experience something deep but really real not blind. I don’t believe that love is blind, I think if you really love someone you’re loving them with your eyes open.

“I feel like people get infatuated, and they call that falling in love. If you’re blind, that is not love. Love is when you’ve seen the person, their yansh is open and you’re like ‘I still want it. I still want that.’ I want someone to see my goods and be like, ‘Yeah, give me some of that.” (sic)

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Think about it: if you keep doing what you’re doing, and thinking what you’re thinking, you’re going to keep getting what you’ve got!

Nothing will change in your world until you change.

Here are 6 small-but-important changes you must make if you want to find love:

1. Learn to love yourself
   
   The idea of loving yourself is not some kind of airy-fairy, New Age concept. After working with thousands of singles and couples, we know that a lack of self-love is behind almost every relationship struggle. Not fully embracing all the parts that make you who you are — even the “ugly” ones — keeps generating situations that will confirm your “unlovability.”  For instance, if you’re single and deep down you don’t believe you are worthy of genuine love — because you think you’re too fat, too old, too damaging, or too demanding — you will attract partners who either can’t or won’t love you — likely because they feel unlovable themselves.  

Once you’re in a relationship, lack of self-love can show up as neediness — nothing your partner says or does will make you believe that they love you. Or, your insecurity may manifest as criticism or withdrawal. How do you know if you suffer from a lack of self-love? Take a look at the patterns in your life — especially your romantic relationships. If there is inevitably pain and struggle, a lack of self-love is most likely at play.

2. Shift from criticism to appreciation
   
   Try this experiment: During 24 hours, count how many times you catch yourself being critical or judgmental. Discovering just how often you’re critical astounds most people. That’s because criticism is extremely habit-forming. It can become a default way of relating to others and thinking about the world, and before you know it you’re criticizing auto-pilot.

Criticism feeds itself — the more you do it, the more things you find the need to criticize until you litter your entire life experience with negativity. The cure for criticism is the same for any other bad habit: stop and replace it with a new, positive habit. For criticism, you’re in luck — because the perfect antidote is appreciation. So, from the moment you wake up, consider yourself in appreciation mode. Make it a priority to search out positive aspects in your life — in your dates, in your partner, and your job. Very soon, appreciation will become your new habit … and a very attractive one at that.

3. Explore your creativity
   
   Do you suffer from “I’m not creative” syndrome? If so, you might feel tempted to skip right over this section, but take note: We’re not referring to channeling your inner Picasso (although artistic expression will most certainly make you a more sensual partner!). Instead, we mean anything you do that gives your life purpose.

If you lose track of time immersed in a book, cooking a new recipe, or being out in nature, you’re exploring your creativity. If organizing your closets gives you a high or you feel at peace when volunteering, those count as creative pursuits, too. Creativity is supremely important because we’ve seen that when people don’t take time to nurture it, they inevitably feel unsatisfied. And because people don’t recognize that the root of their dissatisfaction is a lack of creative expression, they start to blame other people for their lack of happiness — including their partners or their dates. Resolve to spend a minimum of 10 minutes per day indulging your creative side, and watch your relationships take off.

4.  Reconnect with your body’s wisdom
   
   Would you believe your body is, in many ways, more intelligent than your mind? By tuning into your body, you gain shortcut access to solutions you’ve never thought of, and it’s also a gateway to instant connection. Specifically, we know three key areas in your body will reliably tell you what you’re truly feeling in any given situation.

If you feel ongoing tension in the back of your neck, you’re likely harboring some anger. If there is a persistent heavy feeling in your throat or chest, you’re feeling sad or longing.  If there is a common queasy-racy feeling in your stomach, you’re most likely afraid. How can this help you in your relationships? By cutting out a lot of the clutter your mind generates — clutter that inevitably hinders connection. 

The next time you’re on a date, use your curious attention to become aware of the butterflies in your stomach. Or, the next time your partner says they’re working late (again), tune in to the knot in your belly that tells you you’re afraid he or she doesn’t want to be with you as much. And then you need to…

5.  Express your true emotions
   
   If you’re nervous on a date, you’re likely to cover it up by talking too much.  You think you’re coming across as cool and confident, but your date still senses that something is off — and you’ll lose a key opportunity to connect. Instead of launching into a bunch of interview questions, see what happens if you pause for a moment, tune into the sensation in your stomach, and share with your new friend that you’re feeling a little nervous. 

In this simple move, you’ve defused the tension in the air while opening up the window for deeper conversation. In a relationship, you could choose to attack your partner with a complaint about working overtime — which will likely lead to a drawn-out verbal battle and even more distance. Or, you could say something true, simple, and much more powerful: “I’m afraid that you don’t want to spend time with me.”

6.  Keep it fun and simple
   
   Few things are more detrimental than “working” on a relationship. Yet countless couples think that’s exactly what they must do: calculated compromise, endless talking and dissection, therapy. We found that it’s usually what’s left unsaid that causes a majority of problems in a relationship — meaning you’ll never be able to “fix” your relationship by talking more. Trying to do so will inevitably drain the good feelings and intimacy out of your relationship. If you need to say something, say it simply, as in our example about the workaholic partner above.

The same goes for dating, you don’t need to get your partner’s entire life history on a first, second, or even third date. Focus on enjoying each other — there will be plenty of time for ongoing discovery later. Most importantly, shift from expecting your partner or your dates to change — and see what you can do in every moment to become a partner you’d want to spend a lifetime with.

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I’ll Never Fall In Love Again. That song is all about feeling disappointed after a failed romance, and it ends with the wryly self-aware lines, “So for at least until tomorrow, I’ll never fall in love again.”

Here are 7 sad reasons women think they’ll never find true love:

1. They’re hurting

It doesn’t take a genius IQ to know that giving up on love is often a reaction to feeling deeply hurt and disenchanted. 

The women who have invested the most in a failed relationship who have got their fingers the most badly burnt. Not falling in love again is a way of protecting themselves in the future.

2. They confuse the issue

Falling in love is not the problem. The real issue is falling in love with the wrong person. It’s all about missing the warning signs, not seeing the red flags, not hearing the warning bells, whistles, and sirens.

Giving up on love says, “I don’t believe there’s another way of doing this thing called love, so the only option I have is to wash my hands of it.”

3. They lack self-awareness

Women who fall for a “bad boy” tend to do so more than once. When a relationship goes wrong, you need time to lick your wounds. Then, it’s time to look at patterns like the kind of person you’re attracted to, how you act in a relationship, the expectations and dreams you bring to the table, what you choose to ignore, and much more. Unaware love is often ignorant love. It pays to have a clear sight of yourself and your prospective partner before you dive into the romance.

4. They take it too personally

Of course, you can learn something from failed relationships. But too many women learn the misguided lesson they’re less attractive and worthy human beings than women who’ve managed to find a lasting relationship.

A far more useful lesson is that failure means they’re simply doing something wrong. That isn’t a disaster because you can always learn to change your behavior.

5. They give up too soon

No baby ever got up onto its little wobbly legs, took one faltering step, fell on its face, and said, “That’s it, I’m done. I’m through with walking!”

Some people are naturally better at creating good relationships than others. But any woman can master the art of having a great relationship.

You may have to fall on your face once or twice. That’s normal. It’s all part of the learning experience. But if you keep “falling on your face”, get some help to figure out how you can change that.

6. They send out the wrong message

That “I hate all men” message is putting you at risk. There’s a special kind of man who will approach the woman sporting the big “Stay “Away” banner. That man is the Hunter. He piques his vanity and strokes his large ego to win over the woman who has sworn off men.

For him, it’s all about the thrill of the chase. You’re flattered he’s going to such an effort to woo you, but beware. Once he’s caught up with you, he’ll soon get bored and move on. The chase is his thing — not cozy domesticity.

7. They think they will never want love again

Women who give up on love do so — for a while — because they love too much and want a partner so much. That yearning isn’t going to go away.

Whatever they say now, they’re not going to enter a nunnery, and they will want to search for love again. They can silence that yearning for a while, but it will come back even stronger than before.

Instead, they need to ask themselves, “Since love is so important to me, how can I do things differently next time? What’s the most powerful thing I can do to change the way I ‘do’ relationships so I find the love I truly want next time?”

The yearning for love is a powerful human drive. When we try to suppress it, it only comes back stronger.

The polls may say what they please, but the reality is that the vast majority of women need to feel loved. Giving up on love won’t make you happy and won’t work.

Taking a sabbatical from love while you become the woman who can captivate and keep her perfect partner makes a lot more sense.

You don’t have to give up on something simply because you don’t know the best way to do it. It makes much more sense to learn a simple skill to turn your love life around.

It’s often said that certain requests or demands from a partner could be red flags indicating a lack of genuine affection.

But is it myth or truth? Let’s explore four commonly cited requests that some believe could mean she doesn’t love you.

1. Constant financial support

If the relationship feels more like a financial transaction than a romantic partnership, take a step back.

It’s one thing to support each other during tough times, but it’s another if she’s always asking for money or extravagant gifts without showing appreciation or reciprocation.

Love should be about mutual support, not one-sided benefits.

2. Changing your personality or appearance

Love means accepting each other for who you are, quirks and all. If she’s asking you to change fundamental aspects of yourself – be it your looks, interests, or values – it might not be love driving those requests.

A partner who loves you will encourage growth, not insist on altering your identity.

3. Isolating you from loved ones

Requests to cut off ties with friends or family should raise alarm bells. A loving relationship will integrate into your existing life, not demand exclusivity at the expense of your other relationships. Isolation is a control tactic, not a sign of affection.

4. Demanding transport money before visiting

When she insists on receiving transport money every time she plans to visit, it might indicate that her interest lies more in the convenience you offer than in spending quality time together.

While it’s understandable to share expenses, consistently treating visits as transactions can reflect a lack of genuine commitment and affection.

Myth or truth?

So, are these requests definitive signs she doesn’t love you? Not necessarily. Context is key. It’s important to communicate openly about concerns and understand each other’s perspectives.

Sometimes, what seems like a red flag could be a misunderstanding or a sign of underlying issues that can be resolved through honest conversation and mutual effort.

In love, actions speak louder than words (or requests). True affection is demonstrated through respect, understanding, and kindness.

It’s about building each other up, not making demands that serve one’s interests at the expense of the other’s well-being. Love is a two-way street, paved with compromise, support, and genuine care.

Remember, deciphering the language of love requires more than just listening to what is asked of you; it’s about understanding why it’s being asked and how it affects your bond.

Consuming such content as a teenager and young adult, you imagine you will find love at your first attempt, but the reality is harsh for many people.

The proverbial frogs that come before the prince can be exhausting. Going on dates and trying to form connections with different people every so often can be exhausting, so I was so excited when I met Max.

My friend carried me along to attend her friend’s birthday party. Max was the birthday boy. He looked so cool. He had a tribal tattoo on his arm before they became common.

Even with the ‘cool guy’ vibe, he was social and interacted with everybody at the party. When he came to where I was, I took the chance to ask him about his tattoo.

“Cool tattoo. Can I see the whole design?” I asked him.

“Whoa, maybe learn my name first before asking me to strip,” he joked.

“Oh, where’s the fun in starting at the first base when we can make our order? I responded.

We talked for the rest of the night. He eventually showed me the whole tattoo and explained that he had tweaked a part of the design to incorporate his idea of identity.

Besides having a pretty face and toned body, he had depth.

Our conversations flowed with ease. There was hardly any topic that we couldn’t have a discussion. He was knowledgeable, which I absolutely loved about him.

It helped that he was well-travelled, but he was a curious person, so he picked up a lot of knowledge from different sources. We could talk about politics, music, sports, family and finances from watching a two-minute clip of something.

As you decide what traits you want in a partner, you begin to identify qualities that matter to you. Being with a great conversationalist was essential to me because you would not run out of things to talk about even after the honeymoon phase was over. It also helped us form a friendship.

I gushed about him to my friend. “What has Max said this time?” My friend would tease me if I went too long without mentioning him.

I always had something Max had said about an issue because we talked daily. The connection was undeniable — or at least I thought it was. They say the best foundation for a lasting relationship is friendship, and I felt we were building that foundation.

We went to many places together. We both enjoyed trying out different types of food, so we sampled restaurants around the city and its environs.

After a number of hangouts we could even recommend stuff to each other because we had learnt what the other person enjoys. He’d be out with his friends and text me that I would enjoy fish from a particular place because it had an ingredient I liked. Max checked almost all my boxes.

Our bond grew with each passing day, and we even helped each other with serious stuff. He’d tell me about his workplace and the people he interacted with, and I felt like I knew them. When he needed to figure out how to handle a situation, he’d sometimes say, “You’re more patient with people than I am; what would you do if you were in my shoes?” I would give him my opinion. It felt like we were a team.

He would also volunteer minute details about his day, and having experienced men who treated such communication like ‘reporting’ his whereabouts, it did a number on me. I told my friend that I felt I had found the love of my life.

We hadn’t started dating officially, but he was sharing information that you ought to tell your significant other.

Max would also work towards finding solutions. For example, when I had a problem with my laptop, while technology wasn’t his forte, he looked for information on how to solve the problem. When we couldn’t do it ourselves, he asked for technician recommendations.

He remembered insignificant details, and when I said I wanted to do something, he held me accountable.

In my mind were getting to know each other before putting labels on our relationship. Then suddenly, he went quiet for about two weeks. He didn’t ghost me, but the frequency of communication was reduced. Then, we went back to communicating daily.

Out of the blue, we were talking about house designs when he casually mentioned that his girlfriend had a similar opinion to mine.

“Your girlfriend?” I asked. I hoped he would say he meant a girl who was his friend.

“Yes. I didn’t tell you I started dating recently?” Max responded.

“Oh, I don’t remember you mentioning it,” I said, trying to hide the sting.

“I met someone and I think she could be the one,” he said excitedly.

I feigned excitement and immediately called my friend. “The love of my life has found the love of his life,” I told her. I explained what had happened.

“Wait, so what have you guys been doing?” She asked me.

“I don’t know. I’m surprised that he was able to form a deep connection with someone else at the same time we were talking and doing all those things together. I’m hurt,” I said.

“Sorry babe. I don’t even know what to say. I’m shocked,” my friend replied.

Seeing as he had never asked me out officially, I took the hint and moved on. Finding that connection with someone is, however, difficult.

However, some situations are hard to escape. I never planned on being entangled in an on-and-off relationship but unfortunately, I fell in love with the wrong person.

I was 26 years old at the time and feeling myself. I’d go out almost every evening with some of my workmates. That was how I met Mike. He was seated by himself in a dark corner.

His table was littered with all kinds of things – car keys, an iPad, a bottle of whiskey, pack of cigarettes. You name it. He seemed lost in his world but the waiters stood close by in case he needed something.

Something was mesmerizing about him. I watched him for a while as he sipped his whiskey and scrolled on his iPad. Then, he got up, picked up his belongings, handed the waiter a few thousand notes then headed out.

I was disappointed since I was fantasizing about how he would come to ask my name and we would live happily ever after. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity so I ran out and tried to catch up but I didn’t see him.

While walking back, I bumped into him at the entrance.

“Hi.” He said with a smile on his face.

“Hi,” I answered, almost blushing.

I pulled myself together and stood confidently but anytime he talked I couldn’t help but swoon.

“You’re really pretty. Do you come here often?” He asked.

“Yes, this is one of my favourite spots.”

“Oh, I’ve never seen you around.”

“How will you see me when all your face is buried in your iPad.”

“I’m sorry. I have had so much work lately. I’m headed back to the office.”

“So you can’t take any time off?”

“I can take time off for you. Let me have your number. I’ll call you when I leave the office. Will you still be here?”

“Yeah. It’s Friday. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

I had met many guys in the past but none had made me feel the way Mike did that day. As I said, there was something special about him.

He came back to the club later that night and joined our table. Everyone liked him, especially since he bought us drinks and shisha. We went home together and the following day, he took me for breakfast before dropping me off at my place.

“See you soon, beautiful.”

We didn’t officially get in a relationship but he did everything that a boyfriend would do. We talked every day and met up regularly. I used to spend weeks at his place.

The relationship just flowed naturally. There was nothing forced since we were on the same page. However, they say when the deal is too good, think twice. I always wondered what was amiss in the relationship. Mike provided everything for me yet I had a gut feeling that something was wrong.

I thought that he was one of those romance scammers because he knew all the right things to say and do. However, he was the one who paid for everything and never asked me to give him any money.

“How can someone be so perfect?” I asked my workmate.

“Don’t overthink things. Just enjoy the moment. You deserve the princess treatment.”

I tried to take my workmate’s advice but it turned out my suspicions were right all along. Mike was a certified lover boy. He had not one, not two but three girlfriends. How he managed to hide it from me so well, I’ll never know. However, he came clean after being in a relationship with him for over a year.

Naturally, I was upset and ended the relationship but a few weeks later, we reconciled and continued our lives as if nothing had happened. I didn’t confront him about the other relationships but I assumed he had ended things with the other girls.

He hadn’t. I suppose one of the girls found out that we had gotten back together and thought I should know that she was still seeing Mike.

“Why didn’t you end the relationship?” I asked her.

“Where would I find a guy like Mike? If he wants to have 10 girlfriends, let him as long as he’s taking care of your needs.”

She was right. Being in a relationship with Mike was amazing. He didn’t just take care of the bills, he made me feel loved. I didn’t know whether to end the relationship again. However, I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of sharing my man. I tried but I couldn’t.

We ended up breaking up again and I thought that was the end of the relationship. Mike tried to convince me to get back together with him several times but I was adamant. Finally, he promised to end things with the other girls.

“I’ve ended the other relationships.” He said, then sent me screenshots of messages between him and the girls telling them that he was ending the relationship.

I was convinced and we got back together. For some time, Mike was monogamous and I thought that he had changed. However, it didn’t last long. I found out he was back to his old way after finding messages between him and another girl.

It was so frustrating because Mike was a great boyfriend but I knew that the relationship wouldn’t amount to anything since I would never be okay with sharing a man, no matter how perfect he is.

Finally, we ended the relationship for good after dating for three years. I felt lost since I was almost in my 30’s and I was single yet most of my friends were getting married and having kids. However, I wasn’t willing to settle for anything less than what I knew I deserved.

Sure, they’re happy to see you, compliment you often, show you affection in public… but there’s always that niggling little sense of doubt. You could ask, but then there’s the worry you might not want to actually know the real answer. In this article, we’ll look at what real love is, then talk about ten signs that show someone loves you.

How do you know someone loves you? They could tell you, it’s true. Sometimes, however, actions can be even more important when it comes to how to tell if someone loves you. Here are ten signs someone is in love with you.

1. It’s obvious in their body language

How do you know if someone loves you? Look at their body language. They’ll do things like angle their body towards yours, maintain eye contact for longer than usual, and smile at you. If you catch them looking at you, they’ll blush – and keep doing it, because they won’t be able to take their eyes off you. They’ll also mirror your body language, matching their movements to yours, and stand closer to you than they otherwise might. In short, if you’re looking for ways to tell someone loves you? Look for the many ways their body tells you they are.

2. They prioritise your needs

This doesn’t mean they become a doormat – that’s not healthy for either of you – but they do consider your needs and make an effort to accommodate them, like making sure the restaurant you’re going to has food you can eat, planning dates that work with any health issues you might have, or checking in to see if you’re comfortable during sex. If you have an important event, they’ll make sure to show up, or make it up to you later if you can’t. They also won’t assume their schedule or needs are more important than yours.

3. They fight fair

No relationship is completely conflict-free, which is why an important part of ‘how do you know someone loves you for real?’ is how they fight. When someone is in love with you for real, they never forget that you’re on the same team even if you’re mad at each other. They won’t try to bully you, stonewall you, or give you the silent treatment; instead they’ll try and work things out so both of you are happy. They’ll apologize when it’s their fault, and let things go when it’s yours.

4. They listen to you and value your opinion

Did you know that listening is a key part of a good relationship2? Attentively listening to your partner has been shown to reduce stress, while not listening has been proven to do the opposite. When someone is in love with you, they’ll make it a point to listen to you. Even if they don’t know the term, they’ll practice actively listening (being present in the moment, showing they’re listening with acknowledgements or follow-up questions) to you. They also take any opinion you have seriously and even if they don’t follow your advice, they’re happy to listen to it.

5. They support you

You and your partner are a team, which means you show up for each other. How do you know if someone loves you? When they show their support in concrete ways – having dinner ready when you come home after a long day at the office, making your coffee just the way you like it, handling bedtime so you have time to finish up that important project – without being asked to or expecting a reward. They also support you having your own dreams and goals without being threatened by them – in fact, they’re one of your biggest cheerleaders.

6. They respect you

Love is wonderful, don’t get us wrong, but there’s an even more important factor to consider when you wonder ‘How do you know if someone loves you?’ and that’s respect. Studies have shown that respect is key to having a successful relationship, regardless of age3 If someone really loves you, they’ll respect you in a variety of ways; they’ll respect your intelligence by taking you seriously, your time by being on time and remembering that you have a life, too, your physical boundaries in the bedroom and out and your relationship enough to be honest and loyal to you.

7. They show interest in your interests

If you’re in a relationship with someone whose interests align closely with yours, take a moment to appreciate your luck, because that’s a lot rarer than anyone would like! However, if you’re wondering how to know if a person truly loves you thenseeing how they deal with the two of you having different interests could be telling. Do they make an effort to be interested even if it’s not their thing? Do they expect you to be interested even if it’s not? Sharing interests can lead to a deeper connection as you do things together, but it’s not necessary; all that’s required is them taking an interest in the things you love.

8. They try and speak your love language

If you’re wondering how to tell if someone likes you, look at their actions. Someone who loves you will make an effort to show affection in the way you like to receive it, even if it’s not the way they usually do things – for instance, if your love language is words of affection, they will make the effort to actually say ‘I love you’ instead of just showing it.  

9. They communicate with you

Along with respect, communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship. Effective communication lets you set clear expectations, avoid unnecessary arguments, and make sure your partner knows you appreciate them. When someone loves you, communication is easy. You can talk to them about anything and nothing – about problems at work, a fight with your best friend, the really awful twist in your favorite TV show – and not worry that they’ll laugh at or judge you. Communicating with each other helps you deepen your bond and strengthens your relationship.

10. They show you off

 Someone who really loves you is happy to brag about you – to their friends, to their family, to anyone who’ll listen. And if for whatever reason they can’t (since you may not be out as a couple) they’ll make sure you know how great they think you are.

How do you know if someone loves you? Keep an eye out for the signs

People are different, and so are the ways in which they express their feelings – which is why it’s a good idea to make sure you’re aware of the many signs someone is in love with you.

Originally posted on July 11, 2021, at 9:31 am, the tweet came just a day after popular Ghanaian rapper Sarkodie celebrated his 32nd birthday.

The tweet featured a recent photo of Yvonne Nelson and Sarkodie together at an event, and in the caption, Yvonne wished the “Countryside” hitmaker a happy birthday, referring to him as Michael (@sarkodie) and sending him blessings.

Interestingly, this old tweet gained significant attention on July 10, 2023, coinciding with Sarkodie’s birthday celebration.

The timing of this viral resurgence aligned with the buzz surrounding Yvonne Nelson’s explosive memoir, titled “I Am Not Yvonne Nelson,” which had also been circulating widely.

The revived tweet ignited fresh interest among fans and followers, who marveled at the enduring friendship between Yvonne Nelson and Sarkodie.

The photo showcasing their camaraderie became a talking point, symbolizing the strong bond between the actress and the rapper.

We wait https://t.co/z6pmdWMkho

— Kwadwo Sheldon (@kwadwosheldon) July 10, 2023

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Philophobia is a condition where someone experiences fear of falling in love or being in love.

While it might not be classified as a diagnosable mental disorder in itself, it can significantly impact a person’s emotional well-being and relationships. It’s important to recognise that what is considered “normal” can vary from person to person.

People have unique experiences and perspectives, and their reactions to love and relationships can differ. Some people might naturally feel more cautious or apprehensive about falling in love due to their personal history, beliefs, or temperament.

However, if the fear of falling in love becomes excessive, pervasive, and interferes with a person’s daily functioning or quality of life, it might be beneficial to seek professional support.

Ways to overcome the fear of falling in love, philophobia

• Self-reflection

Don’t be in a rush, just take time to understand your fear and its underlying causes. Explore past experiences, beliefs, and any negative thought patterns that contribute to your fear of falling in love, suggests the expert. Self-reflection can help to increase self-awareness and provide a starting point for addressing your fears.

• Challenge negative beliefs

Identify and challenge any negative beliefs you hold about love, relationships, or yourself. Replace these beliefs with more positive and realistic thoughts. Cognitive-behavioural therapy techniques can be effective in reshaping negative thinking patterns.

• Gradual exposure

Gradually expose yourself to situations that involve love and relationships. Start by engaging in low-risk social interactions and gradually work your way toward more intimate connections. This gradual exposure allows you to build confidence and challenge your fear in a controlled manner.

• Focus on self-love and self-care

Prioritise self-care activities that nurture your well-being and self-esteem. Engage in hobbies that you like, practice self-compassion and cultivate a positive relationship with yourself. Building a strong foundation of self-love can make it easier to open up to love from others.

• Set realistic expectations

Understand that no relationship is perfect, and everyone has their flaws and challenges. Set realistic expectations for love and relationships, acknowledging that they require effort, compromise, and growth from both partners.

To an extent, what underlines the desire for the exclusive use of such words, marks, signs, or symbols is what they evoke in us and the relationships we have built with them. Such is the word LOVE. Naturally, the word “love” regardless of its use awakens our sense of belonging, attachment, likeness, intimate disposition, and appreciation among other synonyms.

Nonetheless, despite what the word “love” connects one to or ignites in you, one cannot lay exclusive claim to its use or assert any intellectual property right over same. And what accounts for this is the established globally recognized criteria by which one can assert such exclusive rights and use of words, marks, signs, etc. one may consider unique to his or her entrepreneurial pursuit.

In this article, we seek to discuss the qualifying criteria which enable words, marks, signs, symbols, logos, etc. to attain intellectual property right in the form of trademarks for their distinctive use by companies and individuals to build and drive their brands – products and services.

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY ASSETS AND TRADEMARKS

Intellectual Property (IP) assets are the intangible creations of the human intellect that are protected under law, such as brand names, designs, trade secrets, and artistic works among others. These assets are regarded as part of the valuable assets owned by individuals and businesses – becoming the vehicles through which revenues are generated, as well as the facilitation of growth, and expansions. Generally, copyrights, patents, trade secrets, and trademarks are often the common intellectual assets connected with the creation and development of intellectual property rights.

The primary public rationale to safeguard these assets is to incentivize innovation and creativity, as the creators will be more inclined to churn out more of such innovations and creations if there is an expected measure of protection and an assurance of exclusivity in terms of use and benefits. However, there is no blanket conferment of intellectual property rights on all intellectual creations. Typically, common recognizable standards have developed across the world as the test of whether a creation deserves conferment of an intellectual property right to the exclusion of others. Some known criteria include novelty of the creation, creativity, industrial usefulness, and distinctiveness – and these apply equally in Ghana as well.

Trademarks conventionally operate as a brand label on products and services, offering the maker of such products and services a point of distinction from other products and services. Due to the competitive nature of the entrepreneurial space, the law affords protection to these intentionally carved-out brands – words, signs, logos, marks, etc. to protect accrued goodwill, enhance, and sustain business operations while preventing market exploitation by fictitious traders and organizations who may seek to pass off existing established and registered brands identities to drive “false” or “fake” brand associations.

Generally, a trademark is a distinctive sign or combination of signs used by an individual or organization to distinguish their goods or services from those of other traders. These can include words, names, logos, symbols, slogans, and even sounds. It allows consumers to easily identify and differentiate products or services and also enables businesses to build recognition and foster customer loyalty.

Trademarks are primarily used to avoid consumer confusion over the origin or source of products and services. This is accomplished by giving the owner of the trademark the sole right to use the granted/approved trademark in promoting associated products or services, subject to the owner’s right to license or assign their interest to others.

QUALIFICATION CRITERIA FOR TRADEMARKS

The law explicitly recognizes the protection of words, personal names, designs, letters, colors, numerals, shapes, holograms, sounds, or a combination of any of these elements, or slogans where they are not long enough to be protected by copyright, which can be distinguished in its identification and use. There exists to an extent, some confusion on how ‘trademarkable’ words can be, however, a key point to note is that words, names, or letters that are merely descriptive of the goods or services they are connected to do not always qualify for trademark registration. Rather, these words or phrases must be distinctive and indicate the origin of the said product or service.

Further, the law provides certain evaluative benchmarks which must be satisfied before permitting the registration of a mark, sign, word, etc. as a trademark. Overall, trademarks in Ghana are evaluated and assessed to ensure that they meet the legal requirements for protection in accordance with a global protective regime while promoting fair competition and preventing consumer confusion.

Discussed below are the benchmarks or qualification criteria provided by the law: –

• Distinctiveness – To qualify for trademark protection, the identified name or logo or mark, or sign must be distinctive or capable of being distinguished from and not similar to any other registered or pending trademark. Notably, just as there is a “necessity of innovation” for patents and “originality” for copyright, distinctiveness is a fundamental and paramount condition for any trademark. Since the purpose of a trademark is to encourage simple brand recognition and the avoidance of customer confusion, there cannot be a trademark without distinctiveness. If a trademark is to prevent purchasers from being confused about what they are purchasing, then the trademark somehow must be recognizable, identifiable, and different from other marks. Examples include Apple, Coca-Cola, Samsung, Nokia, Adidas, etc. which are globally recognized brands. Individuals and businesses aiming to build a solid brand for their products and services must aim at creating or developing uniquely distinctive identifiers which could be trademarked.

• Prior Rights – Another major consideration made in the registration or otherwise of a trademark is the prior adoption and authorized usage of a mark, words, or symbol. That is to say that the trademark must not infringe on the prior rights – the existence of any earlier trademark rights – of any other person or entity that may conflict with the registration of a new trademark. The law adopts and recognizes the “first-to-use” and “first-to-file” systems in determining where a proposed trademark could be registered. It is, therefore, necessary for individuals and businesses intending to trademark identified marks, words, or signs to conduct a search at the appropriate registry to ascertain the existence or otherwise of their chosen trademarks and where not registrable, undertake a re-development or re-design of their identifiers.
• Not Confusingly Similar – A proposed trademark must not be confusingly similar to any other registered or pending trademark, especially those in the same or similar class of goods or services, and even for goods and services which do not belong to the same class but for which the use of the trademark will suggest a connection between such goods and services. The evaluation process will consider elements such as the visual, phonetic, and conceptual similarities between the marks, as well as the goods or services to which they are related. This assessment is typically based on the overall impression created by the trademarks. The ultimate goal is to always protect consumers from being misled or confused by similar trademarks and to also prevent the incidence of unfair competition and passing off on the market.
• Geographical Representation – For any mark or sign or word to qualify for trademark registration, it must not mislead consumers or cause confusion about the origin or quality of the goods or services associated with the mark. In most cases, the use of a geographic name as a brand name informs consumers of the product’s origins as well as any unique qualities that the product possesses as a result of those origins.
• Lawful Use – This means that a trademark application may be rejected if it is suggested that a trademark be used in connection with goods or services that are illegal or prohibited. Similarly, in the interest of national security, another important regulatory check that is considered is in respect of the identical nature of the proposed trademark to any initials of a state-adopted name or sign or hallmark, armorial bearing, and flag, among others. This is very critical for any individual or business seeking to register a trademark in the country.

Upon the satisfaction of the above benchmarks, the Registrar will publish the trademark application in the Industrial Trademarks Bulletin for a period of two (2) months. It is important to point out that any person who has an interest in the trademark may file for a notice of opposition to the registration in a prescribed manner within this period, and in the instance of no opposition, a trademark certificate is issued. Any registered trademark has a protection span of ten (10) years from the date of filing the application for registration with a renewal option for a consecutive period of ten (10) years.

Consequently, any registered trademark shall have the benefit of exclusive use subject to the holder’s right to warrant such use by a third party, license or assign its interest as well as to institute an action for any infringement which may result from the unlawful use of the trademark by another. Regardless, the rights conferred on the owner of a trademark do not extend to such products and services which have been put on the market in another country with the owner’s prior consent.

CONCLUSION

Despite the numerous creative ways in which the word “love” or any other commonly used word can be used or mean to you, the legal framework surrounding trademarks places strict boundaries on what can and cannot be protected for one’s exclusive commercial use. While trademarks are valuable brand assets for businesses and individuals seeking to protect their brand, their use, adoption, etc., such identifiers are only registered as trademarks in strict compliance with legal benchmarks some of which have been discussed in this article.

******

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

RICHARD NUNEKPEKU is a Fintech Consultant and the Managing Partner of SUSTINERI ATTORNEYS PRUC (www.sustineriattorneys.com) a client-centric law firm specialising in transactions, corporate legal services, dispute resolutions, and tax.

CECILIA ANTWI KYEM is a Trainee Associate at SUSTINERI ATTORNEYS PRUC. Cecilia specialises in Fintech and Innovations, Startups/SMEs, Corporate & Commercial Transactions, and Dispute Resolution. She welcomes views on this article via cecilia@sustineriattorneys.com.

I n an interview on Accra FM, she was asked who she would choose to live with if God was wiping all humans off the face of the earth.

She asked “dead or alive,” to be sure.

“If the person is dead and could be brought back, it would be my mom,” she answered.

March 4, she buried her mother Susanna Opoku, whom she has eulogised as a mother, big sister, friend and confidant.

If the person is alive, she would choose her on-screen suite; Kalybos, she exclaimed.

She said she likes him “very much” noting that, they have good chemistry.

Ahuofe Patri revealed that, she and Kalybos, born Richard Asante hang out “all the time.”

“You know what? He got me a phone for my birthday,” she showed an iPhone 14 to the camera and flashed a dazzling smile.

The two studied at the National Film and Television Institute, now the University of Media, Arts and Communication. While in school, they created sensational comic skits and Kalybos named her Ahuofe Patri.

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When we’re in love, we might find that sometimes the messiest pieces of ourselves become unrattled. Often, we feel we need to hide this, keeping a neat facade.

But we are here to tell you that you don’t need to do this — it’s okay for love to be.

Letting Your Guard Down

When we’re in love with someone, we want them to know all of the parts of ourselves. In fact, many people feel that the landmark moment of knowing they have found “the one” is when they’ve let their true colors and emotions show.

This can be unsettling and refreshing at the same time. A partnership is based on mutual support and the ability to rely on someone for anything that has happened or might happen in the future. So lean on your partner.

True Colors

When we first start seeing someone, we may keep our opinions and certain viewpoints to ourselves. As a romantic relationship develops, we may feel more comfortable with sharing these things.

A healthy relationship can exist amongst individuals even if their opinions differ. Arguments are not necessarily a bad thing; they can actually give you a deeper glance into one another.

So take each moment as it comes, decompresses, and then come back to discuss.

Get Messy, Literally

Love is not picture-perfect. For example, it could look like farting during an intimate moment, falling in front of one another, or blubbering during your favourite cry movie.

A loving relationship will take these moments in stride without creating further embarrassment.

Simply laugh it off and move on. Chances are you both won’t remember it tomorrow, and if you do, it’ll hopefully be a light-hearted replay.

Another fun way couples can get messy is to try a new craft or recipe.

If this leads to a miniature food fight or getting paint all over yourselves, the laughs will make it worth the mess.

Explore (Literally and Figuratively)

Life is all about adventure. With that being said, exploring new things with your lover can be fun but also nerve-wracking. So try some new food, go on a unique adventure, travel, or uncover your deepest fantasies.

Showing this vulnerable side of ourselves can definitely feel messy but is sure to bring the two of you closer.

Create Balance

When we first grow close to someone, we naturally want to spend all of our time with them. Still, it‘s important to remember that we need time for ourselves as well.

Whether that’s hanging out with friends, going to our favourite fitness class, or finding some solo reading time, there is no harm in finding the balance between personal time and time with your partner.

Life can be complicated enough on its own. When you add love to the mix, things can get even more complex.

Love is messy, but the beauty is finding those special moments that carry enough joy to oversee all of the other slop.

“Sure,” I replied.

I didn’t give the invite too much credence besides thinking that I’d add to my reservoir of blind date small talk — like how while hiking in Canada I once spotted a rare grizzly bear or that I was hired by a Jewish singles group for a summer job because I was “good at flirting” or how I once ended up on a Mardi Gras float in New Orleans throwing beaded necklaces to the crowd.

But the minute I took my seat in the auditorium among the throngs of jaded Manhattanites in their 20s and 30s, I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be.

The hypnotist said he wanted us to focus on a question about what was holding us back in our lives.

He asked for a volunteer so that he could demonstrate the healing power of a past life regression.

My hand shot up like a Bravo Housewife who had just had water thrown on her freshly-styled hair.

“I want to find out why I pick emotionally unavailable men who aren’t worthy of me and why the thought of being in love makes me feel suffocated,” I said. He motioned me to come on stage and sit on a chair.

“OK. Relax your body and close your eyes. We’re going to go back in time,” the hypnotist told me in a soothing timbre.

“Counting 10, 9, 8, 7, you’re floating freely through time and space, and you’re now going to land in the lifetime from which you will find the answer you’ve been seeking. When you’re ready to land in 5, 4, 3, 2 1, you’ll look down and see shoes. Please describe them to me.”

I strained to see through the thick fog in my mind.

“I think I see clogs,” I said. “But they aren’t the clogs of today. They look different, sturdier.”

“Do you know where you are and the year?”

Into my faded vision came grainy scenes reminiscent of an ancient movie reel from a documentary. “Yes, I’m in Massachusetts. But not the Massachusetts of today. It’s from Pilgrim times.”

“Wonderful,” he said. Now look up from your clogs and tell me what you see.”

“I see a man,” I said. “I mean, I’m a man. My name is Jonah. I’m thirty years old, in the military. I’m in love with my brother’s wife and I can’t tell her, and I definitely can’t tell him.”

“Are you married?” he asked me.

“I was, but I lost my wife a few years ago to scarlet fever. She was eight months pregnant with our son. I’ve never gotten over it.”

I couldn’t believe what I was saying but those words felt real to me, as did Jonah.

“Now you’re going to move forward in time to the last day of Jonah’s life. What are you feeling?”

“I’m an old man. I never told my sister-in-law that I was in love with her. I’m trying to tell her now, but I can only whisper. She doesn’t want to hear it. I feel pressure on my chest. I’m dying of heart disease. I can’t breathe. Please,” I begged the hypnotist, gasping, “take me back to Estelle.”

“Estelle, you’re going back to your present self in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6. You’ll remember the lessons you’ve learned in 5, 4, 3, and 2, and will release the pain from your past life in 1. Now, open your eyes.”

As I slowly opened my tear-drenched eyes, I touched the streaks of mascara running down my cheeks; my nose felt stuffy and swollen, and my legs were crossed akimbo, masculine-style, with my right knee jutting out.

The audience was rapt; the lighting was too bright. Many women had their mouths open in a frozen, astonished O.  I felt like I had become the star attraction of a metaphysical circus carnival.

“Why is this relevant to your life now, Estelle?” the hypnotist asked.

“I’ve been afraid to let myself fall in love because I lost everything in that life, so I’ve chosen emotionally unavailable men to ‘fix.’ Jonah, in that past life, was too scared to show his feelings, so he had to shut down his heart to survive.”

“You’ll now let your heart be open to love. It’s safe for you to love and be loved in this lifetime,” he instructed.

After, I tried to hold on to my memory of Jonah, but eventually, the fragments of his life receded from my mind, like salt sliding through a sieve.

And I started choosing better men, who were my equals. A while later, I met my husband. Though he was born on the other side of the world, he felt familiar, was available to love and be loved, and didn’t need any fixing.

And I was finally ready to be vulnerable because I knew that this time I wouldn’t lose myself by giving away my heart.

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The mother of one said men she is attracted to find it difficult to believe she loves them.

Yvonne is convinced her predicament is because of the misconception people have about celebrities.

She shared her sentiments with Andy Dosty on Daybreak Hitz.

This notwithstanding, Yvonne Nelson said she is perfectly fine as a single lady.

Watch the video below:

The actress said the man of her dreams gave her a relationship contract to sign because “he never believed I loved him”.

“Onetime, i was so in-love with this guy, he never believed it…shockingly he gave me a contract to sign ( relationship contract) Will continue this story another time” she tweeted.

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The actress made the revelation in a tweet and promised to share the rest of the story at a later time.

Below is Yvonne Nelson post on Twitter

Onetime, i was so in-love with this guy, he never believed it….shockingly he gave me a contract to sign ( relationship contract) Will continue this story another time.

— ?????? ?????? (@yvonnenelsongh) April 26, 2022

Yin Houping first met her best friend, Huang Junping, 51, in 2014 when the two became neighbors in Yichang, Hubei Province in central China. Yin’s 3-year-old son had recently fatally drowned, and Huang comforted Yin through her grief, reported South China Morning Post.

The two became close friends, and after Yin gave birth to her second child, Huang helped her care for her newborn daughter.

In 2016, Yin was hit by a falling tree branch and became paralyzed from the waist down. Shortly after her accident, Yin’s husband asked for a divorce that was finalized three years later when he took custody of their daughter.

In light of her single status, Huang suggested that Yin go on a date with her now-30-year-old son, Zhao Yingfeng. Huang reportedly believed that their personalities would balance with Yin’s extraversion and Zhao’s introversion.

Yin explained to the Morning Post that she initially believed that Zhao would not be interested in her as a result of her day-to-day struggles. Zhao, however, expressed his relentless support for Yin.

“I’m incontinent, I could stain my sheets and pants at any time, and I might not be able to have children in the future. Are you OK with that?” Yin recalled asking Zhao. He responded, saying, “It’s not a big deal.”

Yin suffered another accident in 2021 when she fell from her wheelchair, breaking several bones. While bedridden, Zhao took care of Yin’s daily needs such as cutting her nails and bathing her. She describes this as the moment when she realized that she envisioned Zhao as her “future husband.”

“It was then that I really accepted him as my future husband in my heart,” Yin said.

The couple got married in October 2021 and are now expecting their first child in two months.

“He once told me: ‘If there are only two of us in this life, I am willing to take care of you until we are both old, and I am a few years younger than you, so I can still carry you then,’” Yin said.

A new relationship or love interest can bring up a lot of stuff within us, such as the discomfort of not knowing whether or not the relationship will work out.

It’s the anticipation of whether or not he is into you, or if you are actually attracted to him.

The disappointment that comes after the initial excitement phase ensures that the relationship will actually cool off and get boring.

The fact that all your sisters, friends, and neighbours are all married and shouting at the kids makes “happily ever after” look like a distant fantasy.

So, of course, you struggle with, “Why do I date the same type of guy that I don’t want and never the guy I do want?” 

There are many obstacles to overcome in order to find “the one,” so here are four reasons you are keeping the guy you want at a distance.

1. Your belief in love is deflated

Focusing on all the obstacles and what might happen will absolutely leave you feeling deflated and overwhelmed.

All that thinking can leave you exhausted, and thinking love is impossible — going from being asked out, to the first date, from girlfriend to meeting the parents, a life tragedy to marriage.

So, in order not to disappoint yourself, you might decide it would be easier to give up or not put yourself wholeheartedly into the mix.

2. You fail to go after what you really want

When you believe that love is impossible and the mountain is too high, you will fail to go after what you really want. You are afraid that you might actually be happy and that love might work out for you.

Out of fear and out of playing it safe, you go out with the man who is into you. If you go out with the man who is into you, there is no risk; you are in control of the outcome.

If you go after what you want, there is risk involved — the risk of being heartbroken, left alone… or the risk of being happy. The risk is worth it. After all, the benefits far outweigh the risk of settling, so why not go all in?

3. You believe “happily ever after” only applies to others

“Happily ever after” happens to someone that decides she will never give up, no matter what happens. She is someone that will take the risk and go after what she really wants.

The woman who will stand up again and again after rejection, breakups, and pain, and won’t settle for the status quo.

The universe always rewards the persistent and determined among us. It is your life and your choice that creates the outcome. So, get out there, find the resources, seek the education, and make life happen for you. The ball is in your court; believe in love and go make it your reality.

4. Negativity shows up when we are happy

Our crap shows up when we are happy and the only way to avoid this is to be in a relationship with someone loving, caring and who actually supports you.

Feelings of insecurity, jealousy, or avoiding our childhood traumas will show up when we are happy. It is what we do about it that affects the outcome.

Having a relationship we cherish with someone we love can be a walk into the unknown and a whole new experience for us, but it is never one you will regret. Yes, it is scary, but it is worth it. So face your crap and go after the guy you want, not the one you’re getting.

You don’t attract the guy you want simply because you are afraid of him; you are afraid of what it might require of you.

You are afraid you may have to change in some way to acquire it, and change is scary because it is unknown. But it is also the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. So take a risk and go after what you want.

And the next best thing to experiencing true love is declaring those feelings out loud to the man you’ve fallen for, right?

Well, not always …

If you say I love you too soon, especially if it’s sooner than he’s willing to say those three words in return, his silence can feel insufferable.

In a flash, that easy, comfortable feeling you had in your relationship goes running out the door, while vulnerability, discomfort, and anxiety come rushing inside.

His lack of verbal reciprocation may even cause you to reconsider the value of your relationship altogether.

In truth, a man clearly shows his level of commitment to you when he dates you exclusively, shares himself with you intimately, and does things like consulting with you while planning his schedule.

And yet, there’s a tendency to judge the validity of a relationship, as well as a man’s intention, by his willingness, or lack thereof, to say those three words.

The problem is that doing so can unnecessarily sabotage an otherwise promising new romance, which is why it’s valuable to first understand what may be going on for him on a deeper level.

Here are 3 possible reasons your boyfriend won’t say “I love you” that you may not have considered before:

1. He associates saying “I love you” with expectations he isn’t ready to fulfill

Expectations are one of the most deadly threats to relationships because they replace open communication with unspoken presumptions.

Many men associate saying I love you with the onset of new expectations they know they aren’t ready to fulfill.

Others are simply afraid of what those expectations might be, thus they choose to keep everything moving along pressure-free.

Does that mean your man isn’t willing to give you everything you want? No. In fact, he may already be giving you more than you imagined.

The key is to clarify where he’s at and what his intentions are. Just as some men side-step a boyfriend label while simultaneously being the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, the fear of expectation can inspire a man to express love through action rather than words.

2. He doesn’t feel like he can live up to his definition of what saying “I love you” means

Everyone associates different things with being in love. Your man may associate saying I love you with actions he’s not ready to take, or other conditions he’s not yet experienced yet.

The more honorable your man is, the more important it will be for him to feel like he can live up to his definition of what saying I love you means.

Thus, instead of prematurely pulling out of the emotional investment necessary to yield those three words, find out what professing love means to him specifically.

3. He’s genuinely not in love with you

Just as you can love someone without being in love, fabulous times, passionate kisses and intimate lovemaking don’t necessarily equal being in love.

It’s easy to assume that the man who bears his soul to you on a regular basis without wanting anyone else must be in love with you. But as crazy as it sounds, it’s possible for a man to share virtually every aspect of his life with you without being in love with you.

As much as he cares about you, it is possible he’s just not in love with you.

So what should you do if your man won’t say I love you?

First, remember that all men and women experience and define love in all different ways. It’s critical for you to refrain from making assumptions when he refrains from saying I love you.

Second, make it a point to learn what your man associates with saying I love you, along with what he believes will be expected of him. Then you’ll have a better understanding of what saying those words mean to him.

Third, check-in with yourself and be sure that you aren’t placing greater emphasis on words than what you’re actually experiencing in your relationship.

While it’s easy to harp on why he won’t say I love you, it’s equally important to understand why you’re placing so much value on him doing so.

Back in the day, at least as we have been led to believe, relationships were relationships. Like, relationships, relationships.

Boy and girl in love, good intentions, and the hope of marriage sometime in the future [at least in the beginning].

You know, all that good stuff that we ideally relate with courting – damn, using that word makes me feel 15 years older – dating and being exclusive in the manner that we all think about when our folks tell us about how they loved properly in their time… the good old days.

So this leads us to the conversation on how best to meander that hazy phase of being madly drawn to someone’s sexual energy but confusing it for love and affection.

You know, that place you get to, where, due to the sexual energy someone radiates, the level of primal attraction you feel towards them, or the intensity of the sexual experiences you’ve had with them, you just find that you can’t get them off your mind.

And, because thinking about someone so much often marks the beginning of love and romantic feelings, it is easy to confuse one for the other.

But really, are you really in love or you’re just bent to the will of your konji? Here are things that may help you know which is which:

Do you want them in your world?

If you find yourself wanting nothing more than to keep things on a low with them, it’s a prime sign that it’s really not that serious.

Hiding your links with someone from your friends, family, colleagues, and pretty much everyone on earth does not scream love, affection, and potential partner, does it?

You talk but never about deep or real stuff

Dreams, goals, secrets

On the other hand, if you’re both constantly sharing innermost thoughts, fears, dreams, worries, and aspirations with each other, if you’re always giving vent to emotional expressions with each other often, chances are high that you’re on to something there.

This is major because it’s difficult to have someone into your head like that and not catch feelings. Consistent, honest communication almost always leads to feelings being caught. Like, over 85% of the time.

You allow for things you normally wouldn’t

This is quite delicate and could go either way. I mean, you could be bearing those things you don’t like, just because you have the goal of getting laid at the back of your mind. On the other hand, it’s also possible that you just love and want someone in your life so much that you are willing to accommodate some things you thought you would never.

The latter is usually the case than the former.

There isn’t much you have in common

If, aside the sex, you really can’t stand the person or vibe with them on a level required for relationships to truly flourish, then it means only one thing: this is just about the sex.

Not much more.

We’d go out and stay out until 5 AM, then walk down to the bar to get the credit card we forgot.

We went hiking at night; we went swimming in the river. You pretended to believe in fairies because I pretended to believe in fairies. The sex was unstoppable.

But people change. We all know that platitude and probably mouth it at least once a week.

People change; it happens all the time. In fact, we’re always changing and evolving. My philosophy class told me we’re never being, but instead, becoming.

Every choice, every action, makes us who we are. Our circumstances change us. And if those circumstances, actions, or choices have significantly changed, well… so will we.

And our circumstances have changed. We have real jobs now. We have adult responsibilities like life insurance and student loans.

We worry about things like retirement and the stock market. You come home and tell me about your job; I come home and tell you about mine.

No longer do we laugh about mutual acquaintances. Other than a few old friends, we don’t have any.

We cook instead of going out because we need to save money. That makes dishes to do. I clean the bathroom. We’ve slid into full domesticity.

Even the topics of our conversation have changed.

You tell me about the phantom pooper in your men’s room; I tell you about a homeless dude yelling at the Starbucks barista. These are not stories to inspire togetherness.

They aren’t stories to inspire love or lust. They just take up the time.

I miss you.

I miss the person I fell in love with. Yes, we were young. Yes, we were different.

But you’ve changed. You have more gray hairs. You worry more, you tolerate less. You care less about politics and more about your own life.

You’re not up on current events. Neither am I, so that kills the news as a topic of conversation, something we used to discuss every single day.

Something we used to watch every single morning while I smoked a cigarette and drank coffee.

You used to smoke, too. Now you’ve quit and so have I. It was the right decision for our health.

I miss smoking with you.

I miss the version of you I fell in love with. I miss the person who knew my drink and my cigarette brand, who’d like to the convenience store at 3 AM because I ran out.

I miss the sex we used to have, all shiny and new. All discovery.

Sure, it probably wasn’t as good as it is now when we know each other’s bodies and have known them for so long, but there’s something to be said for newness.

I miss who you were when we met. I miss all those little details of you but mostly, I miss the person who wasn’t ground down by worries and the stupid details of life.

I miss the man who let me foster greyhounds and kept a refrigerator empty save for creamer and coke.

I miss the man without responsibility, without a real job. I miss the version of you who didn’t care.

But I don’t just regret the things life handed us. We’re lucky, you and I, everyone would say.

I also miss your raunchy jokes. Now I’m too dainty of a flower to hear a good dick job. I miss watching South Park and Adult Swim. I miss laughing at anti-drug campaigns.

I miss our all-night benders, where we dressed to go out and got sloshed and threw up in the bar’s bathroom.

I miss snarfing chicken wings at a college dive bar with you and daring each other to order the hottest ones on the menu. I miss the you who did it, and had to put your face in a bowl of ice cubes.

But mostly, I just miss you.

She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit, and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty.

Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly. Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship.

Before long — once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together — I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.

I stayed with her, mind you; I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.

Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so much more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace — or even see — what was so wildly wonderful about her.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me.

The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship, which still made me choose her even less.

Thus, our nasty death spiral played itself out over five years.

She fought hard to make me choose her.

That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.

To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was enough evidence of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.

Actually, I did abandon her. By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.

I’ll never not choose another woman I love again. It’s torture for everyone.

If you’re in a relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question: “Why am I choosing my partner today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.” If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.

But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go.

Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.

Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day. You do, too.

Choose wisely.

“My heart is in love.” With these words, father Riccardo Ceccobelli, priest of the diocese of Todi, in the center of Italy, asked his superior, at the end of mass, to hang up the cassock.

“My heart is in love, although I have never had the possibility of betraying the promises I made. I want to try to live this love,” he said to his superior, Bishop Gualtiero Sigismondi, according to a press release from the diocese.

The priest, whose story was reported in Italian newspapers, has been suspended from his service and procedures have begun to return him to the secular state, according to the same source.

“All my thanks to Don Riccardo for the service carried out so far. And first of all, I send him my sincere wishes so that this choice, made in full freedom as he himself told me, may guarantee peace and serenity,” he declared Monsignor Sigismondi.

The priest assures that it has been a difficult choice for someone who loves and respects the Church.

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“I cannot remain consistent, transparent and correct with her (the Church) as I have always been until now,” he said, according to the statement.

These confessions, directly in front of his faithful and in the presence of the bishop, were made during Sunday mass.

According to the Corriere della Sera, “everyone knew” in this small town, near Perugia, “the information circulated, Don Riccardo had been seen with a woman”.

However, nothing is known about the identity of the woman for whom Don Riccardo has hung the cassock.

I’m sure you want to correct me and say, “Love is in the air!” But, recently, there has been a shift in important relationships, from the romantic to more platonic ones.

When I think about friendships, this famous quote from Eleanor Roosevelt comes to mind: “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only friends will leave footprints in your heart.”

When we reach our mid to late 20s, romantic relationships seem to take precedence over friendships.

But, in recent years, we’ve seen a major shift where friendships are becoming the center of people’s existence.

Friends are buying houses together, raising each other’s children, have joint credit cards, and even hold medical and legal powers of attorney for each other.

There are 4 factors that have caused the shift in importance from romantic relationships to friendships.

1. Marriages are in a free fall.

People just aren’t getting married at the same rate as they used to. A 2019 Psychology Today article stated that 4.3 percent of women in their late 40s worldwide have never been married.

In Europe and North America, the rate is even higher at 10.8 percent, and in Australia and New Zealand, even higher at 14.1 percent.

2. There’s a lack of affordable quality care.

As people are living longer, so is the need to have quality care.

With no spouse or relatives to pick up the slack, people are turning to life-long friends for support, both mentally and physically.

3. The pandemic didn’t cause folks to be isolated, but it helped.

Before the pandemic, the U.S. Census had reported that 28 percent of the U.S. population lived alone. With the rise of the pandemic in 2020, isolation was at its all-time high.

Never before in recent history have so many people been restricted from physically visiting, seeing, and interacting with other people.

This type of isolationism increased the risk of death from all causes and increased morbidity across a variety of physical health outcomes.

This has caused people to reassess their lives and prioritize friendships even more for comfort and strength.

4. Values are shifting around friendships and relationships.

Individuals are valuing friendships over romantic relationships.

People are turning to a more individualistic lifestyle that stresses independence and freedom of self-expression, even while in a relationship.

Due to these shifting changes in society, here are 6 reasons why friendships are more important than relationships.

1. Friendships reduce stress.

Being around a close friend can help lower your cortisol levels, the hormone that causes stress.

This is because you tend to laugh more and overall you are just happier.

2. Friendships can help you find purpose and meaning.

A great friend can truly shape you into being the best version of yourself. A friend will see you and accept you for who you truly are.

They encourage you and push you to do better and be the person you want to be, even when you don’t want to.

3. Friendships help create a sense of belonging and build confidence.

A great friendship helps you develop a sense of belonging to another person. Belonging helps build your self-confidence during those times when you are insecure in your life.

When you care for others, you take on the responsibility of offering compassion and emotional support. This can make you a stronger, better person.

4. Friendships help you feel less isolated.

Friendships can reduce feelings of isolation, but it’s not just the number of friends that matters — it’s the quality of the friendships. You know, the ones you can confide in.

5. Friendships help you feel supported through challenges.

The longer we live on this earth, the more challenges we will have.

When they come, it helps to have a friend that can help get you through the traumatic, difficult times in your life.

6. Friendships encourage healthy behaviors.

When you’re trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle, a good friend can help you set and maintain those goals by encouraging you to stick with your plan.

A friend will also push you out of your comfort zone when your goals get challenging.

Ditch the dates and take the time to cultivate strong friendships this season.

So, as spring begins to roll into summer, take the time to cultivate stronger friendships. Unlike love relationships that are centered on specific responsibilities and expectations, friendships are can be pure joy.

When we find friends who share similar qualities and interests, people to whom we can be vulnerable, it can be truly lifesaving.

The lady stated she started having the incestual feelings for her biological brother three years ago when she was just 14.

However, after keeping the secret eating her up for years, she has decided to rush to social media for solace.

Sharing her ordeal, she wrote:

I’m in love with my brother. And he just broke up with his girlfriend. I am 17 years old, and I have been in love with my senior brother for almost four years.

I know it’s wrong and I have never thought about rationalising it. But I finally came to the conclusion that the only way I can move on is if I open myself up and accept my feelings.

My ‘unnatural’ attraction began when I was 14 and I had just become a fresher in high school. My brother and I had been very close since we were young, but as we grew older we slowly drifted apart once activities and school got in the way, but my brother had always been my role model and favourite person to be around whenever I had the chance. It seemed as though high school was the first time that getting a boyfriend became important to me and my friends.

I watched as all of my friends got into relationships with guys that they ‘Liked’. Whenever people asked me why I was single I told them that I just wasn’t interested, and to be truthful I wasn’t. I just never found a guy that I was all that interested in.

And for some reason whenever I had to think of a guy that I ‘Liked’ I always thought of my brother. I never thought of it in a connotation of incest but instead that I thought much more highly of my brother than the other guys at my school. To me my brother had everything a guy should (He was smart, funny, cute and kind.)

Even with all these things in mind I never realised just how deeply my feelings ran until my brother got his first girlfriend. Once that started I started getting angry, depressed and anxious all the time.

I had trouble focusing at school and whenever I saw my brother at home I would try to avoid him. I didn’t understand why until my brother had his girlfriend over for dinner one night. I felt an overwhelming sense of jealousy and sadness and asked to use the bathroom.

I skipped the bathroom completely and just walked to my bedroom and started bawling uncontrollably. There was no denying it then. I knew at that point that I was and am totally in love with my brother.

I understand the kind of backlash that things like this can get and I’m not proud, but I can’t deny it anymore. I haven’t told anyone this. I’m scared that I’ll make a mistake, and reveal these things to my family or friends.

While at one of the ward praying, I spotted a gentleman praying diligently with tears streaming down his eyes.

Even when we were singing praises, this man had his eyes shut and kept murmuring his prayers. I looked at him very well and realized one of his legs was cuffed to the bed.

I said in my head, “Why would they do that to him or he’s not mentally stable?” When the prayer session came to an end, I saw a prison warden delivering food to him. That was when I realized he was a prisoner on admission.

After the prayers, I walked up to his bed and shared the word of God with him, I didn’t ask why his leg was cuffed and I didn’t ask about his sins.

We just talked about the word and his depth of the word surprised me.

After everything, I asked him, “Have you been reading your bible?” He said, “Yes I have been doing that every day and I enjoy it when the churches visit the prison to share the word with us.”

I was talking to him but I was asking myself a lot of questions; “What would make an innocent-looking man like this end up in prison? What is his crime?”

Then he said something like, “Very soon I’ll be released from prison and I’ve promised God that when I come out, I’ll dedicate the rest of my life to his service.” I asked him, “How long have you been in for and how many years  left to spend in the prisons?” He answered, “I’ve been in for a year already.

Next year by this time, I would be out.” His exuberance and excitement in God’s work got me interested in him. I asked his name and he said, Smith.  I asked where he was being kept and he also asked, “Would you come here to share the word with us?” I said, “Yes and when we come, I will look for you.”

Two months later, I’d forgotten about Smith and was going on with my life when one night I had a dream about him. In the dream, both of us were talking and laughing about something.

He had a Bible under his arm and we were both walking on a road that led to nowhere. I thought about him when I woke up from the dream. “How could I forget about that guy so soon.

The next weekend, I was on my way to Ankaful prisons going to look for him. A prison warden took me through the process and asked me to come the next day. The next day I was there, face to face with him.

He was shocked to see me. He asked, “You came all the way to see me or you came to evangelize with us?” I said, “I came to visit you so we continue the chat we had at the hospital.”

There was this glow in his eyes every time he opened his mouth to talk to me. It was happiness trapped at the depth of his soul. It was like he was having an experience he had long for a very long time.

He said, “The last time someone visited me was in July 2016 when I had done only a month in prison. After that day, everyone forgot about me.” I asked him, “What brought you here?”

He said, “Work. I misappropriated some funds with some colleagues. We thought we could be fast about it but in the end, the audit gave us away. Two of those friends escaped but I wasn’t lucky.

I ended up serving a two-year prison term in hard labour. But it’s not all regret and tears. I’ve met the Lord here and he had increased my strength. Maybe this is where the Lord decided to meet me.”

He had nine months to spend at the prison and within that nine-month, I visited him regularly, sending him food and care.

Within that nine-month, I was able to trace his family and in one of those visits to the prisons, I went there with his mother. You could see the happiness in his eyes when he saw his mother.

I thought he would be angry and ask his mom why they abandoned him but he didn’t even mention that.

He spent the time asking about his siblings, his father, and the girl he was dating when he was free. His mother said, “Deborah? I haven’t heard from her since you were put behind bars.

You were the reason why I could see her and now that you’re no more there, there’s no way I can see her.”

He was very quiet for a while. As if he was missing something. The next time he spoke he said, “May God be praised both in good times and bad in times.”

I was at the entrance the day he was released. He didn’t know I would be there but when he finally stepped out, I was the arms he ran into. “Thank God you’re a free man now.” He said, “I’ve always been free.

My freedom has always been in the Lord.” I didn’t know people can go to prison and come back with such a strong faith in God until I met him. 

We got to Accra in the late afternoon. I took him to where I lived and told him, “In case you’re looking for me, this is where I live.” From my place, I took him to the bus station and he boarded a car to Koforidua where his family lives. 

One week later, he called me, “I’m so confused in life now. I don’t know where to begin and I don’t know who to ask for help from. From the way I see it, It doesn’t look like my family sees me as part of them.

They look at me in strange ways and talk behind me. I’m getting scared each day.” I told him, “Everything that you see is expected but you don’t have to be wary.

You’re an accountant. You have a strong certificate. Let’s start looking for a job. This is Ghana. You can still have a job.”

A few weeks later, he started attending interviews. He’ll ace the interview until he’s asked what he had been doing for the last two years that wasn’t captured on his CV. He’ll tell them the truth that he was in prison for a wrong he did.

They’ll probe and he’ll tell them how he misappropriated funds and got punished for it. He’ll tell them he is a changed person.

He’ll say he met Christ in prison and he made him a new creature. They will thank him and say, “You’ll hear from us soon.” He’ll go home and never hear from them again.

When he got interviews in Accra, he came to sleep at my place. Sometimes he spent a day or two. One day I told him, “You need to whiten your CV a little. You need to change your story if you want to get a job quickly.

The prison thing isn’t working.” He asked, “What if they find out after giving me the job? It’s better they know now than later. Accounting is about integrity.”

One day he went for an interview and those people looked at what he could do and not what he had already done.

A few days later, they called to give him the job—he had the job in Accra. He had no money to rent a place and had no money to even get new clothes and new shoes to begin again. I offered him my place and gave him some money to buy whatever he wanted.

I had a small place but he proved that he didn’t need a bigger place to thrive. Maybe it was a skill he learned from the prison—the economics of space. He created his own abode at the corner of the hall where he did everything. For ten months he lived with me. 

We were called a couple. I was reported to my pastor that I was living with a man I wasn’t married to. The church investigated and found out it was true.

None of my explanations could hold. I lost my position in the church and lost my place with the Evangelicals.

They said I had backslid and as such, the glory of God was far from me. God knows all I did was to share my place with someone who didn’t have any.

Two months ago I sat in the hall with Smith and watched a wedding clip on the TV with him. A man in a black suit walked to the altar with a woman wearing a snow looking wedding gown.

The man said “I do” to the woman while having tears in his eyes. The pastor said, “Lift the veil and see if she’s the woman you intend getting married to.” The man lifted the veil, still with tears in his eyes. The pastor said, “You may now kiss the bride.” 

Smith turned to me and said, “If we told the church that this was our first kiss, nobody would have believed us. How can two people live under the same roof for close to a year without kissing?” But that was our story.

That clip we were watching was our wedding video. He was nothing but a good man so when he asked me to marry him, I didn’t think twice about it. We got married and have always been happy building our marriage and serving the Lord in all our ways. 

You’ll listen to no advice and heed not to the calls of your own conscience because a heart in love is unstoppable. I met such a girl on Facebook. Lucy.

She was intelligent as she was beautiful. We interacted a lot on Facebook and later started chatting on Messenger. 

When one day I asked her to give me her number, she didn’t hesitate. Willingly, she gave it out and said, “If you don’t call soon, I’ll collect my number back.” 

I called her immediately. I said, “Just so you don’t collect your number from me, I’ve called.” She laughed out loud and that plunged us into ceaseless conversations. From then on I called her every day. She called me sometimes.

Soon we were making video calls that lasted the whole night. Weeks later, I proposed to her. She said, “Don’t you think it’s better we meet first? Yes, I like you and I like your personality but let’s meet first to see if we both like what’s in front of us.” 

“But I’ve seen you? I’ve known you and like everything about you. Seeing you won’t change anything.” 

“Let’s wait and see. Pictures don’t tell all the story. Face to face will help us see clearly what the screens have blurred.”

She lived in Ho and I lived in Accra. When love is involved, no distance is too far. We planned to meet and the meeting failed. One day, a friend of hers had a wedding in Accra and she had to attend.

The wedding was on Saturday and she was in Accra on Friday. We met at the A&C mall and had a night I would call beautiful.

We laughed while we drank and occasionally saw her dancing to the music being played. I asked, “Now what? Here we are now, face to face. What do you say?” She answered, “You’re exactly how I imagined you to be so…then she shrugged her shoulders.”

“So you say yes to my proposal?”

“Well, kind of but let this night be over. When I get home, we’ll finalize everything.”

We walked out of the A&C mall holding each other’s hands. In my mind, we were lovers. Maybe she was too shy to accept there and then. We said our goodbyes and drew the curtain off the night.

I went home and slept like a baby knowing I’ve won the heart of the woman I love. I woke up the next morning seeing a very long message from her; “Last night, was good but I was struggling to build a connection with you.

You didn’t even look into my eyes once. I don’t think the two of us are compatible. I’m not doing this again. We can’t be lovers.”

After that message, she avoided my calls and stopped reading my messages on Messenger.

I thought if I spoke to her, she would change her mind but she didn’t give me a chance to talk to her. A week later, I saw her call on my phone and the first word she said was, “Sorry.” “Sorry for what Lucy?” She answered, “Sorry for the way I treated you.

The whole thing got me overwhelmed and I didn’t know what to think or do. I thought of escaping but I keep thinking of you.”

We were back together as lovers and learned to look into her eyes whenever we had a video call. When my eyes wander off the screen, she will say, “Hey, look at me,” and I would turn my eyes around and look at only her. 

I had to travel to Ho and see her. The plan was to go there on Friday night, spend the night together and come back to Accra the following day. I got to Ho around 8:30 pm. Lodged into a hotel and messaged her, “Hey, I’m in. Where should I meet you?” She read the message and didn’t respond.

Ten minutes later, I called her phone. She didn’t pick. All night, I kept calling until 11 pm when I called again and heard, “The number you’re calling is switched off…” I couldn’t sleep, thinking what could the problem be.

I wasn’t angry I was scared maybe something happened to her. In the morning I called. She didn’t pick until I checked out from the hotel around 11 am.

I was coming to send her a Whatsapp message when I saw, “typing…” I waited patiently to see what she was writing. After about thirty minutes, I received a long message that could fill four pages of an A4 sheet.

In the end, she said, “I still can’t feel the emotional connection between us. It’s hard to start something with you when that connection isn’t there.” By the time I finished writing my response, she had blocked me.

I called her and she didn’t pick. Later, my line wasn’t getting through to her. She blocked my line too. I decided, enough was enough. I wasn’t going to pursue her again. I took my eyes off her and started living my life.

It was hard when I went on Facebook and saw her having fun there. I wanted to block her but couldn’t get the vim to do it.

I hated her but still wanted to hear from her. One day a lady called and said, “I’m Lucy’s friend and I’m calling you to apologize on her behalf.”

She doesn’t know I’m going to call you but I’m doing this so you can call her and talk to her. She’s suffering. She mentions your name every day. She’s regretting but scared to call you so please if you can, call her for me. I doubt she’ll repeat what she did.”

I called her. Come and see how she was happy to hear from me. “I’m sorry dear. I know I’ve hurt you a lot in the few months that we’ve known each other. I don’t know why I love you and yet treat you this way.

I swear it won’t happen again.” She talked and talked and talked until I cut her off and said, “I can’t even stay mad at you. I love you and I won’t deny it. Let’s do it again.”

It was all joy from then on. We met on three different occasions and had a lot of fun. I was in Ho for a night.

We stayed out, chilled, and later departed. She went home and I went back to the hotel. The next morning, she came to the hotel and that was where we had our first kiss. She sent me to the bus station, picked a bus, and waved her hands as the bus began to move.

For once, my heart was in the right place and I enjoyed the progress that we were making. I got to Accra late afternoon and sent her a message. She read the message and didn’t respond. I called later in the evening and she didn’t pick.

All night I kept calling but she ignored my call. “The devil that’s doing this girl is probably wearing camp boot so he’s able to boot her in any direction that he desires. What’s all these swinging emotions about?”

The next morning, it wasn’t a long message I received but a long voice note announcing the end of us. “This time, I’m not going to come back crying as I’ve done before. I still can’t connect and I still can’t find the emotional balance between us. We kissed but it felt so empty…like I was kissing a tree.

I’ve given us chances enough but it’s not working.” I didn’t even bother to respond. Her profile photo was on when I saw the voice note. By the time I finished listening, her profile photo was off, meaning she had blocked me. I was angry for allowing her to play ‘chaskele’ with my emotions. I told myself, “Never again.”

It took me two weeks to realize she had blocked me on both Messenger and Facebook. I was hurting but I soldiered on nonetheless. A month later, I’ve moved on and have started making positive moves and building good vibes with other ladies when I saw her friend’s request on Facebook. I looked at her beautiful picture and that infectious smile on her face and tapped on “Block!”

I went to Whatsapp. She had unblocked me. I sent her a message and quickly deleted it and blocked her. It wasn’t too long when her friend called again. She said, “I’m Lucy’s friend and I’m calling…” I cut the line and blocked her too.

Even if I didn’t have anything to do with my life, definitely I wasn’t going to stand there for another human being to use me as a garbage can. 

The nonsense had to stop at some point and that day was that point where it all stopped.      

I wonder why I still call you dear after everything that happened between us. When you finally left, one of my sisters said to me: “The way this woman has treated you, I’m sure you won’t look at women the same way again.” She was right. For so long after the divorce, I thought every woman who came close to me was after my blood. I don’t trust their words no matter how sincere. I don’t trust their ways however innocent. In my mind, there is something sinister about a woman and one shouldn’t allow them to prowl without supervision.

It’s been three years already but it still hurts like it only happened yesterday.

Everything was right about you. The way you talked and the way you walked was graceful. The way you said ‘please’ before you made a request always gave the impression of a woman who had been intentionally raised to be courteous. We were only dating but you did things like we were married. You cared for my presence and asked that we made a better future together. What else could I need in a woman? So when the time came for us to marry, we didn’t hesitate. Our hearts have already decided and our minds were also committed to the future of both of us.

Two years after marriage, everything was fine. We had jobs we were grateful for. We had a place we could call home and we had a very great companionship in our marriage. The only thing left was for us to have a child. At some point, you were worried a child wasn’t coming. Well, I was worried too but I couldn’t let it show. I had to be there for you, encourage you so you don’t give up on yourself. God being so good, you took seed the following year. Three months later, you told me you’ve miscarried the baby. That’s when things began to change.

You saw everyone as the problem. You called my mother a witch and responsible for your inability to conceive. Everyone in my family got their share of your anger. You were wrong on all counts but you were my wife—two to become one so I stood behind you at the expense of my family. What did I get in return? Disrespect, insubordination and a clear assault on my emotions. You went to work and came back anytime you wanted, sometimes as late as midnight. You wouldn’t cook for the house and you wouldn’t do any of your duties as a wife. That didn’t bother me. “t’s a phase and it will soon pass,” I encouraged myself. Too many days went by and you still remained the same. Everyone I spoke with about your situation told me you’re suffering from depression so we should seek help. However hard I tried, you wouldn’t let us see or meet anyone. “I am fine!” You screamed at me. I stopped trying.

Then one night you came home very late so I was forced to ask why a married woman would come home this late and also turn her phone off while in town. You looked into my face and said: “I’m tired of this thing you call marriage. I want a divorce.” I stood still and monitored your breath if you had taken in something, but clearly you were okay. I asked: “What has come over you?” You answered, “Your family has come over me. They’ve succeeded in blocking my womb. I need to leave this marriage before they kill me.”

For all those three years that we were married, I don’t ever remember you exchanging words with any person in my family. Nobody ever insulted you or did something that called for that hatred from you. So I asked: “What did my mum do to you? And what has my family gotten to do with anything? We have problems, let’s work it out and stop these blaming antics.” You flared up and walked over me. That hurt. I slept that night believing you’ll wake up the next morning with a sober heart. The morning came and you still insisted on a divorce. To me, it was a phase that we ought to conquer but to you, it was the final phase of love. You told your family about your intention to divorce and they also followed you to break the marriage without asking my version of the story. It felt like a horror movie the day your family returned the schnapps to my family.

We dated for two years. We married for three years. None of these years counted for anything. Everything went down the drain all because of one miscarriage. I seriously didn’t get it. You walked out of the marriage as if it didn’t mean anything to you.

If there is time for a heartbreak then there is time for moving on. Time to move on tarried for me but slowly I did move on. But news of you kept coming to me even when I had not gone to look for it. I heard it when you resigned from your job. Again, I heard it when you traveled out of town to live with your parents. I heard it when you started going out. Everything you did came to me like the news bulletin. Then one day, just a little over a year after our divorce, I heard you’re married. Wow, love comes so easily to some people but who was that man?

That was when I got the shock of my life. You got married to Sampson? The same guy you helped to go abroad but left you immediately he got there? Something didn’t add up so I began searching for the missing pieces to the story. Life is like that—it’s hard to find all the pieces in one place so you travel left and you travel to the south. Somewhere you’ll get lucky and find a piece that fits into what you already have. I started talking to our mutual friends who knew about Sampson. Most of them didn’t talk to me. They said, “Stop following her in the shadows. The marriage didn’t work, allow her to enjoy her life.”

But the issue was this…

If you got married to Sampson then he might have played a part in our divorce. You getting married to Sampson just a year after our divorce meant he was always lurking in the dark even when we were married. The whole thing couldn’t have started just after we divorced. So I kept probing until I got someone who brought a piece that made my story whole. You didn’t have a miscarriage. You got our baby aborted because Sampson promised he was coming back for you. No wonder everything changed right after the supposed miscarriage. You wanted a way out quickly so you can have enough time to plan for the marriage between you and Sampson. You didn’t want our child. You wanted a fresh beginning with someone who left you when you needed him the most.

A piece of me died when I heard this from the friend. I thought I had healed but that day I felt the cracking sound of my heartbreak and I began to bleed all over again. I wished I didn’t go out there looking for the truth. What was I thinking? But a man has to do what a man has to do, so I carried the pain with dignity without letting the world know I was hurting. If someone asked why I was hurting, I couldn’t have told them the truth so I walked around with a smiling face and a bleeding heart.

It’s been three years since you got married to Sampson. The way I see it, both of you are going to remain married longer than you and I were married but let me ask you this, are you happy? Are you happy that he went back after the marriage and he hasn’t come back? Is that how you wanted it? Marry a man who wouldn’t be present in the days of your youth? Time is running fast for you. You’re 33 going on 34. How long can you wait for him, huh? I don’t wish you pain. I’m saying both of us could have been together until our dying days if only you gave us a chance. I will have slept next to you each night and put my hand on your chest to see if you were feeling pains. We would have had our children running around the house and our life would have been better together than apart.

Now, look at us. You’re married but single. I am single and scared, all because of you. Nonetheless, I pray you find joy and have a dream come true so you can smile again because smiles look good on you.

Yours Never,

Julius

When people are single and searching, it is not uncommon for them to ask questions such as, ‘what do I need to do right to meet that special person who will become the love of my life?’

Other frequently-asked questions for people like this are: ‘what am I getting wrong?’ ‘what do I need to do better?’ and ‘what do I need to get right?’

If you are single and need to know which habits will make it easier to get the type of man or woman you desire, here are some of them below.

Mind you, these are not conclusive rules but they are valid and important for anyone who really has one or more of the questions above and truly increases your chance to meet that lover you’ve always wanted.

1. Self love 

Finding love starts with loving yourself because, really, if you do not love yourself, who will?

It will be difficult to show people how to love you. It will be difficult, as well to give people what you do not have.

If you love yourself, you do not only become more independent and in charge of your life, you also become easier to love and will find it less difficult to find love.

2. More social 

Social skills are really, really important if you are going to meet people and build any form of relationship with them.

Smile more, go out more, get on social media and use the platforms wisely, learn to communicate your thoughts more effectively, and basically just develop in the art of creating good impressions on people.

3. People are more than their looks 

Learn to pay more attention to the character than a person’s appearance.

This is something of a dilemma in the sense that appearance counts when meeting someone for the first time because it is on the appearance that most first impressions are built.

Regardless, learning to place the requisite balance on both things is a skill that you need if you are not to miss the opportunity to meet the beautiful soul you have been holding out for.

That’s why, sometimes, our interest drifts to people we could never have, people we should never be falling for in the first instance. But matters of the heart are hardly controllable.

That’s why you find romantic interest growing between step-moms and their step-kids, between people with decades of age difference between them, and sure, people who set out to be just friends.It’s OK to be scared when you fall in love with a friend because it could be the beginning of the end of that relationship [Credit – iStock]iStock

If you find yourself falling for your best friend and you don’t know what to do, the tips below are just for you:

Understand what’s at stake

It is important to understand what is at stake and the things you’d probably lose by allowing this feeling linger. There is actually a chance that your best friend will like you back and there is also the possibility that they would want nothing but friendship.

Is it worth it to say something?

It is important to also ask yourself if what you feel is something that could translate to a real relationship or if you are just lusting after them?

Put your feelings in perspective – do you just find them sexy and want to know what it feels to have sex with him or her, or do you really consider them relationship material and want to build a serious relationship off the friendship you already have going with them?Be sure the relationship is worth pursuing before doing anything about it [Credit – Akron]Akron

Now if your friend is someone who does not appreciate casual sex, it makes no sense to broach the subject because you already know what their stance on the subject is, and what their response will likely be.

So, really, you just have to ask yourself: is it worth it to say anything about what you are feeling?

Try to gauge if your friend feels the same way

The fact that it’s your friend you are crushing on makes your job easy… kinda.

The proximity you have with him or her can be used to your advantage. So judge from what you can observe whether they would be keen on taking the relationship to a higher level or not. Do you think he or she feels the same way about you? Or do you think there is a chance they would want to see if it’s time to take your ‘relationship’ from friendship to the next level?You just might end up having a friend and a lover in the same person. [Credit – Ask Men]ask men

Be ready to accept your friend’s decision

Now you have to know whatever you are doing in a situation like this is a risk.

It is a tricky situation when you think about it; they might be cool with being friends but not being more than that. In that case, you have been friend-zoned and the knowledge could put pressure on the relationship in ways that would upset and upstage what you have going.

But whatever their decision is, you have to respect it . Whether you are cool with it or not.

Find a way to move forward

If they are cool with turning the friendship to dating, you’ve had it easy and there’s nothing to worry about there.

If they aren’t so sold on the idea, though, you’d also have to decide if you want to remain friends with them or not. And it’s cool whatever you decide. Just make up your mind on whether you want to remain friends with them or not.

In an interview with online portal, Nkokonsa.com, Fantana revealed she is single because men fail to approach her due to extravagant demands.

“Yes I don’t know why but they are afraid to approach me, I just don’t know why. Don’t be afraid but if you are not rich don’t approach me; if you are rich you can approach me,” she warned.

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Explaining the correlation between love and money, the ‘Rich gyal anthem’ artiste justified it is impossible to feed on love, hence she will not settle for less.

“Because you can’t love me if you can’t buy me gifts and everything that I need, then you don’t love me. I am not going to chop love,” she said.

Revealing her worth, Fantana hinted she looks attractive because she spends on quality; adding her hair costs GH¢ 4,000, outfit $80 coupled with YSL bag for a whooping $2000, Versace Versus and diamond bracelets.

According to him, he is still married to the woman he fell in love with.

Speaking on how he met his wife on Joy Prime’s morning show, the astute politician said the wife is someone he had known for a very long time as both come from the same hometown.

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To him, knowing each other very well explains why their marriage has been stable despite the challenges because of the work they do.

 “I fell in love at the age of 21 years and I’m still married to her. Luckily for me I didn’t marry someone I didn’t know. We all come from the same town. Our marriage has been very stable despite the challenges because we knew each other so well and we knew our parents and siblings so well and we have been in this marriage for 22 years and still counting,” he said.

Speaking to KOD on Starr FM’s the Zone show on Thursday, October 11, 2018, the controversial actress disclosed she met her new love who identity she refused to disclose on SnapChat.

She, however, disclosed that she met him some eight months ago and has afterwards kept in touch with him to sustain the relationship.

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She added that even though she loves him so much, she is not ready to get married anytime soon, contrary to the high wish and prayer of most of her Ghanaian age mates.

“We are just getting to know each other, am not ready to get married now. I’m not just ready for the whole marriage thing now,” she indicated.

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When asked about the married man she was dating in Amanpour’s interview, Moesha opened up, saying “I really loved him and I believe his wife knew about me but we have broken up now”.

“I’m no longer in that relationship. He is a married man and I guess he wasn’t mine after all”.

Moesha had said in an interview with CNN’s Christine Amanpour’s “love around the world” programme that she and other ladies like her dated married men just so they could withstand the economic difficulties of Ghana.

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“In Ghana, our economy is such that, you need a man to take care of you since you cannot make it like a woman”

She emphasized she was only speaking about her realities and what he has seen and heard growing up as a young woman in Ghana and therefore did not know why people reacted the way they did.

The event, organized by the Eastwood Anaba Ministries is scheduled to take place from Wednesday, September 12, 2018, to Friday, September 14, 2018.

In its eighth year, the Love Revolution Campaign gathers Christians from all walks of life annually to celebrate the unconditional love of God and be equipped to share that love with others.

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The Love Revolution is a message that has been widely preached across the globe by the Founder and President of Eastwood Anaba Ministries, Pastor Eastwood Anaba.

Pastor Eastwood Anaba, in his teachings, emphasizes brotherliness and unity within the body of Christ.

He believes that most of the problems in Christianity and in our societies would cease if Christians commit to understanding God’s idea of love and imbibing it in their daily lives.

This year’s event will feature a morning service which starts at 9 am and an evening session which starts at 5:30 pm.

Speaking about the upcoming event, Rev. Eastwood Anaba said, “These are going to be powerful meetings. It will be a program like we’ve never had before. I can sense massive anointing. The theme this year is ‘The Anointing’…. The Anointing or the Holy Ghost is a topic that the God has given me a lot of revelation on and I preach it with a lot of passion…This year I’m really believing God to do something in our lives. We want to believe God to bring us emotional, mental and psychological healing. That is why the anointing is very important at this stage. Even when it comes to financial issues, the anointing can break the yoke… This event is coming on at the right time and I’m just believing that you separate some time and be there. God mightily bless you as you do that.”

The 2018 Love Revolution Campaign will receive ministrations of Rev. Richard Whitcomb, Rosemond Anaba, Apostle Sam Korankye-Ankrah and Rev. Eastwood Anaba.

Rev. Dr Michael Boadi Nyamekye and Prophet Akwasi Agyeman Prempeh will also minister during the teaching and impartation morning sessions.

The theme for this year’s event is “The Anointing.”

In an interview with Naijweb.Ng, the women disclosed that they want to be loved because they have worked hard to create a fortune for themselves.

“All we need is your love, we want the young men to approach us and love us. We have all the monies to take care of them”.

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They also pleaded with this portal to get them hooked up with cute and strong young men who can last in bed.

“We want to use this platform to send our message to all young Ghanaian men out there. Don’t be scared to approach. we can change your lives in a moment”.

We met in Lagos in Nigeria in 1995 – it was a Friday night at a social club, around a pool table. I’d gone out to work as a nursing officer and he’d gone out to work for a construction company.

It was instant attraction.

I gave him my phone number but I gave him the wrong number mistakenly, so I didn’t see or hear from him for several weeks. Then we bumped into each other again and from that moment on we were pretty inseparable – and he did say he’d tried to telephone.

Our son was born two years after we got married. But I also had an older son and when he was about to take his GCSEs I returned to the UK to help him.

Even then, I thought we had a happy marriage.

Our relationship worked because it suited us. It wasn’t maybe a traditional marriage in the sense where you live together all the time but it very much suited us.

We were still in constant contact. We used to text all day every day. Friends always said that we probably communicated more than people who lived together.

But in 2011 he went to Oman to work, while I stayed in the UK, and his behaviour began to change.

He cited the pressures of work, which meant he couldn’t come home as regularly as he normally did. So he would come back in short bursts, for short visits, as opposed to coming for two or three weeks at a time.

It didn’t make me suspicious but it affected the relationship.

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I now realise he always played the depression card because that would enable him space, sympathy… maybe to get away with things I wouldn’t have been so tolerant about.

He was scheduled to come home for Christmas 2012. On 22 December when he was due home, he rang me to say, “Don’t come to the airport, I’m not coming, I’m so depressed, I’ve seen a counsellor who has advised I don’t come home.”

He finally arrived in the January and point-blank refused to discuss his depression – and that fuelled a massive argument. That’s when he left the house. Other than in court, that was the last time we ever saw him.

Image copyrightS & T BONNAR

Image captionYve and Maurice Gibney on their wedding day

He’d hired a car because he came home at short notice and drove off in that car. I presumed he’d come back, but he didn’t and he didn’t answer his phone.

I was really concerned so I rang the car hire company and made enquiries. The lady said he had returned the car.

Then she said: “I remember him from Christmas when he hired the other car.” So I played along and she said that at that point he’d hired the most expensive car in the fleet, and this time he asked for the cheapest.

Then she said, “I can help you, it seems like he’s registered it to an address in the West Midlands.” So she gave me the address because I’d expressed concern about his mental health.

Without her I doubt I would ever have been able to discover the bigamy – I’ve never had the opportunity to say thank you to her.

I looked the address up and rang the phone number. It went to voicemail.

With the help of some friends, who have been invaluable assistant detectives, we found out that the man who lived at that address worked for a company with offices in Muscat.

I let myself think, “OK these must be friends from Oman, he must have come back to the UK, didn’t feel able to come home because of depression, and gone to stay with them.”

I thought, “He’s so depressed, I don’t think he’d have the mental capacity to deal with an affair and keep all that secret.” So I let it go.

I eventually made contact with Maurice and I thought, if you can walk away from the family home without saying goodbye to your son, who was in the house, then you don’t belong here as part of this family. So I started divorce proceedings.

I had also seen on Facebook in April 2013 a picture of his sisters and their daughters in Muscat, and one of his sisters was wearing a fascinator. It was one of those niggling doubts and it stayed with me.

I said to a friend, “You don’t think he’s got married, do you?” and I knew how absurd it sounded. My friends laughed and said I was being ridiculous.

I didn’t know the truth for another year.

I decided to ring that number again, and I pretended to be from the car hire company. Then I said, “Could you tell me your name and your relationship to him?”

The man said, “I’m his brother-in-law.”

So I rang back and I was me then, and I gave my name and a woman answered.

I said, “I don’t understand why this man said he was Maurice’s brother-in-law.” And she said, “Because he’s married to my sister.”

I remember shaking so violently when she said that. I had to put my other hand over the hand holding the phone, to keep the phone still.

I said, “Is this the same Maurice Gibney from Liverpool?” and I described him, and she said yes, and said, “Who are you?”

I said, “I’m his wife.” And there was literally just silence at the other end of the phone.

I don’t know how I was processing it. There was a massive element of disbelief. How could he have married someone else, while he was married to me?

Somehow, as a woman and as a mother, you carry on.

Of course at this point I didn’t know anything about the relationship or how long they’d been married, so I informed my solicitor.

Maurice had told his family that we’d been divorced for some time, and I was this crazy individual who was acting maliciously now I’d found out he was remarrying.

Some days later it was the middle of the night, I wasn’t sleeping, I thought, “I’ve got to find out more about this.”

I went through Facebook. I found the woman’s page and clicked on it. Her profile picture was her, in her wedding dress, kissing my husband. That’s when I could see they had married in March 2013, two months after he’d been home.

Seeing it was just… I still can’t express how I felt. I was so shocked. I was looking at it and I knew it was him.

We went to court. I asked for the judge to consider this bigamy and to postpone the hearing, and the judge refused, and said: “If you think he’s committed bigamy, go to the police and report him.” That’s exactly what I did the next day.

Once he was sentenced for bigamy, he got six months in prison suspended for two years.

His bigamous wife was very much a victim but in a different way. He had presented himself as a divorced man when they met.

I wrote her a very short polite letter and sent her documents from the court hearing and I said, “I’m sorry to tell you that you’ve entered into a bigamous marriage with my husband.” I said, “I’m sure this is very difficult for you to read, as it is for me to write.”

He’s a master of his craft, of deception and deceit and manipulation and I believe he probably convinced her that I was the crazy ex-wife.

I think part of it is the need for men like him to manipulate and control. He probably really got off on that.

Why would he plan to destroy his family? His son hasn’t seen his father for six years.

I don’t know why he didn’t take the simple option of just saying, “I’m going to divorce you,” and why he went down a path of destruction and deliberately hurting his family. I will never know.

In the final divorce judgement, District Judge Coaker cites 56 cases of fraud to the courts that she knows about and she sums them up as a snapshot of what is probably much more dishonesty.

He failed to give full and frank disclosure about bank accounts. We discovered he’d withheld information about an inheritance. The bank statements didn’t even belong to him, it wasn’t even his bank account.

He lied about his salary, he lied about his remuneration, he lied repeatedly.

It enabled me to go back to court, to prove the original settlement was made on fraudulent information and it allowed the judge to award me his share of the family home.

There is a system to allow justice in family law but there’s no mechanism to enforce that. All the cases of fraud, lying to the court – it goes unpunished. The courts take no action and that’s very, very wrong.

For this second case, I incurred £58,000 debt. I’m a nurse working for the NHS. I don’t have £58,000. All of my legal fees have been on credit cards. District Judge Coaker ruled that he had to pay those costs within four days. He didn’t pay. He still hasn’t paid.

I feel grateful that he is out of our lives. This is a man that I loved and the children loved as a father, but he just betrayed us on every level.

I don’t allow myself to feel anything towards him. I would be a liar if I said I don’t despise him, but it’s not a thought I keep in my head. I let it go.

I’ve met someone who gets on really well with my sons and that’s important. The person I’ve met is really lovely, and makes me happy.

Sexual relationships and intimate relationships never developed for me and so I remained a virgin until my late 30s. I have no idea how unusual that is but I experienced a sense of shame, and I felt stigmatised.

I was a terribly shy and anxious person, but not isolated. I always had friends but I was never able to translate that into intimate relationships.

At school and sixth form I was surrounded by girls and women, but I never made the kind of move that is probably quite a normal one to make.

By the time I reached university, my pattern was set – not having relationships was what I expected. A lot of it was due to a lack of self-esteem and a deep sense that people would not find me attractive.

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If you go through your late teens and early 20s without going out with people, you don’t have the evidence that builds up and says: “Yes, people can like me because look: I’ve had that girlfriend and that girlfriend.” That allows the sense that you are unattractive to persist and to be reinforced.

I never spoke to my friends about it, and they didn’t ask. I would have been quite defensive if they had, to be honest, because I was developing a sense of shame about it.

It may not be true that society judges people for not having sex. But I think when anything is perceived to be outside of normal then it’s liable to be seen as deviant in some way.

I feel there’s a cultural investment in “success” with women – if you think about popular songs and films, of coming-of-age movies, they will quite often be about early relationships and there’s a cultural “thing” about becoming a man. If you think about the Frankie Valli song “Oh what a night” it’s the sense that she took the boy and turned him into a man.

All of that promoted in me a sense of shame.

Most of my friends had girlfriends. I watched from the sidelines while they were starting relationships and, later, getting married. That had a corrosive effect on my self-esteem, in a drip-drip way.

I was lonely and quite depressed – although I didn’t recognise it then. That might have been about not having a sexual relationship, but it was also about a lack of intimacy.

I look back now and for about 15, probably 20 years, I really wasn’t touched by a human being or held by anyone apart from immediate members of my family, like my mum, my dad and my sisters. Apart from that, any sort of physical, intimate contact was absent. So it’s not just about sex.

If I saw somebody who I fancied, I didn’t feel any excitement or pleasure – instead, my instant reaction was one of sadness and depression. I had a sense of hopelessness about it all.

READ: The cannasexuals: Meet the people using cannabis as a sex aid

I didn’t have a fear of rejection – the idea of rejection was irrelevant because I was so certain that no-one would be reciprocating any attraction I felt.

It might have been a defence mechanism on my part, but I developed a deep feeling that it might be wrong to approach women and that it might be an imposition on them. I was certainly never going to be that guy who “used” women.

I felt women had the right to go about everyday life and enjoy a night out without having anyone approach them.

I often became friends with women I was attracted to. I’m sure many of them were completely unaware of my romantic feelings.

At the time I would have been certain that they didn’t want me. From where I stand now looking back, I honestly don’t know. I don’t think I had the attractiveness of confidence.

A woman never asked me out – that would have been nice! Perhaps it was less acceptable to do so at the time.

I became clinically depressed in my mid-to-late-30s, so I saw my GP and I was prescribed antidepressants, and I also started having counselling.

That’s when things changed.

First of all I gained a little bit of confidence in myself through the counselling. Secondly I think the antidepressants might have had an impact – I think they can act as a little bit of an anti-shyness pill.

Plus I’d grown up a bit.

I found myself asking somebody out, and that then turned into a brief relationship.

I remember being anxious and nervous on the first date. But I felt, “This is nice, I like this.” So I asked her out again afterwards, she said yes, and things developed from there.

Only a few weeks after that first date, we became physically intimate. You hear those cliches of teenage fumbling – well, I wasn’t a teenager, so I found I knew what to do. I also found it was exciting and pleasurable. Some people say the first time isn’t good, but it was good.

ALSO: Can you get an STD from kissing?

I didn’t tell her I was a virgin, but had she asked me, I would have been open.

I met my wife about 18 months later, at work. I noticed her immediately. She was really pretty with lovely huge eyes – a dreamy look.

I didn’t ask her out directly, but I asked a mutual friend if she was spoken for. She ended up acting as a bit of a matchmaker.

Our first date was on my 40th birthday and we married 18 months after that.

She was very special.

I was lucky when she fell for me, she gave me complete and unconditional love and that’s rare. And I’m lucky to have had it.

When I spoke with her about my sexual history she was totally accepting and non-judgmental so it was fine. Our relationship was so strong emotionally and there was never an ounce of criticism in her – to be with her was simple.

We were married for 17 years. Sadly she passed away nearly three years ago now, so that was traumatic.

I always feel that I met her too late and lost her too early, but then again I’m not sure she would have found me attractive if she had met me when I was young.

I look back on my youth with a sense of regret. It’s almost as though I am grieving for something that didn’t take place. I feel there’s a stack of fond memories that aren’t available to me, or a set of experiences that I didn’t have.

I don’t know what it’s like to be in love when you’re young, I don’t know what it’s like to take those steps in the world with a member of the opposite sex, that experimental, fun time – and that leaves me with a sense of regret.

So the first thing I would say to anybody in that situation now is: “Do take it seriously.”

And we should think about intervening if we notice it. How we do that, I’m at a loss to say because if someone had asked me about it, I would have denied the problem. But some people will be in a position to notice.

The thing is, people like me – like I was – aren’t going to be on anyone’s radar.

We tend to worry about when young people do things perceived to be risky – drug-taking, knife crime, early sexuality and those kinds of things. So not doing something isn’t something we tend to worry about.

But if you know somebody who’s never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, perhaps don’t assume that’s what they want. Try and be supportive – probably not by directly asking them, “Why don’t you ever go out with anyone?” But by being encouraging and explaining that everybody has doubts when they first ask someone out.

It’s OK to be nervous, but it’s also OK to have the desire to want to be with someone. All of these feelings are part of humanity, and if you deny yourself that then you deny yourself part of a human experience.

One of the things that most worries me about the publicity around the Toronto attack [in which 10 people were killed by Alek Minassian who identified with the “incel” or “involuntary celibate” movement] is that people who are still looking for love may feel stigmatised and have a sense of shame.

It might perpetuate the idea that people who have yet to find love are socially awkward and in some way weird. I felt I was perfectly normal before I found my wife and I was perfectly normal after – I didn’t change. There is nothing unusual about me.

There are plenty of people looking for love who are not hate-filled. It would be a shame if we conflated whatever drove the Toronto attacker with people looking for a human need.

There is no right or entitlement to being loved or finding love, but looking for love is still a valid wish in life. Not having love is not anybody’s fault, it’s just circumstances.

Her songs are regarded to inspire women which have earned her the name “African Woman”.

Last year Becca revealed that she’s ageing and therefore, there’s the need for her to settle down with a man as soon as possible.

READ ALSO: Major Mahama’s wife reminisces last year’s May Day with hubby in touching video

Finally, Becca’s longtime dream has been fulfilled as she has finally met the love of her life. This is true only if her latest social media photo is anything to go by.

The “African Woman” hitmaker has been captured in the latest photo with a man accompanied by a hand-written inscription: “the love of my life” with the love symbol drawn on the man’s face covering his real identity.

Becca was all smiling in the picture but failed to disclose the identity of the love of her life.

Becca early this year in an interview with TV3 posited that she will marry in no time although she failed to disclose the identity of the man.

After the long wait, everything is over as it has become known that the man in mind then was nobody but Blakkcedi who doubles as Stonebwoy’s manager.

The video shows the lady going down on her knees with a ring in hand to propose to her man.
To her utter surprise, the guy turned her down.
Read now: Man proposes to girlfriend with 25 brand new iPhone Xs
source: myjoyonline.com

That individual likes himself; she isn’t too critical of herself, and he accepts himself as-is and works on the parts of his personality or his behaviours that cause problems for himself or others.

Most of all, the reason why you should date and partner up with someone who has good self-esteem is that people with self-love will treat you better than people with poorer self-esteem.

What are the signs of good self-esteem? Some of these you probably already know because they are obvious, but some may be surprising.

1. People with good self-esteem are happier and more hopeful.

There’s no doubt about it: You meet someone who sounds negative and bitter, and you can safely assume that this person is an unhappy individual. People who are happy don’t worry about bad things happening, and they work hard to see the positive side of situations instead of focusing on what’s negative.

2. People with good self-esteem treat the people around them better.

Caveat: People who treat others poorly aren’t necessarily bad, but they do have emotional issues they need to deal with. People with good self-esteem like themselves overall, so they don’t feel competitive or feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better. Why? They already like themselves, so they don’t need to do anything negative to others in order to feel better.

3. People with good self-esteem don’t get jealous of others, especially those who are important to them.

People with good self-esteem like themselves overall. People who get jealous are the way they are because, at root, they feel like they are lacking in some way, and they get jealous of those who seem to have what they want.

How does this apply on a date? If you tell your date that you just got an amazing promotion or that you had something great happen to you, the date with good self-esteem will feel nothing but happiness for you. If you tell your date the same thing but your date has low self-esteem, your date will have any of the following reactions: feel sad or depressed because the same thing didn’t happen to them; feel angry or bitter that good things never happen to them; or feel threatened or afraid that you may believe that you’re better than them.

One of the most important things you can do when looking for a partner is to find someone who celebrates – and doesn’t put down or feel competitive with – all the good things that happen to you.

4. People with good self-esteem are viewed as more attractive by others.

When I work with clients on their relationship problems, I always tell them the same thing: Focus on getting yourself mentally to a place where you feel happy and relaxed, and a good date will materialize from that. So many young men and women believe that that they will find a partner when they look most attractive, but the truth is that what people are really turned on by is someone who seems at peace and who can carry on a down-to-earth conversation.

The mistake so many people make is to try too hard, or to tell themselves that what others want is someone “hot” or “sexy.” Actually, what people really want is to go on a first date and feel like the conversation flows naturally as if the two of you have known each other for years.

5. People with good self-esteem rarely talk about people critically, and they try to see the good in others.

Most people with good self-esteem don’t focus much on other people. They don’t like to put people down or be critical. The surest way to know that someone doesn’t like himself or herself is to see that person talk critically about other people. If you are on a date and he or she is critical of the waiter at the restaurant, and then later is critical about a good friend or someone else, make a point to watch their behavior from that point forward to see if this is an ongoing personality trait.

The short version: If you want to be with a happy person and have that relationship last for a long time, that person is probably going to be pretty happy overall and is going to say positive things about other people. The simplest rule to remember: People who like themselves are nice when talking about others; people who don’t like themselves are critical or even cruel when talking about others.

The final message

If you have one goal when looking for a life partner, make it finding someone who has good self-esteem. Of course, we all have our own emotional issues or shortcomings we have to deal with it, but some people have better self-esteem than others.

The smartest, savviest thing you can do in dating is to invest in someone who already seems to like himself or herself as-is. Trying to make a relationship work with someone who has low self-esteem is going to add many more layers of complexity than you probably want to deal with years down the road.

It’s true — if I’m out with family or friends, I’ll always try to be the first to the door, so I can open it for the other people I’m with, forcing them to walk in ahead of me. It’s fucking weird, I know. But after spending a good deal of my 20s alone, I came to realize that my reluctance to step through doorways first stemmed from a bigger fear I used to have: being alone in a crowded room. Or worse, having people assume I was alone, and then feeling bad for me.

I know that this is ridiculous, because no one really notices (or cares) whether or not a person is by themselves at a bar, or in a restaurant. But, for a good part of my life, my singleness was something I tried desperately to hide. It was my least favorite feature about myself, so I tried to cover it up. Walking into a place behind another person signaled that I was there with them, so no one would make the mistake that I was waltzing into a social venue solo.

As I got older, my fear of being alone seeped into other parts of my life. If there happened to be a Friday night when all of my friends were busy, and I was stuck home by myself, I’d dissolve into a pool of tears. I have no friends! I’d wail. I’m never going to meet anyone if I’m always sitting at home on a Friday night!

I tried to calm this anxiety and fear by swiping on my dating apps, desperately trying to line up plans for nights when I knew I didn’t have anything going on. That, of course, made me feel even worse, which eventually made me decide (with some gentle prodding from my therapist) to ceremoniously delete my dating apps and take a dating hiatus.

Dating app burnout is a real thing, and I hit the wall hard. But the void that was left in my life — one that I used to fill with mindless dates with men whose faces started to blur together — was one of the scariest things I’d ever faced. My friends filled that hole most of the time. But every so often, there’d be a day when everyone had plans, and I’d be left to fend for myself. Once, after a friend turned me down after I invited her to go see an exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, she offhandedly suggested that I go alone. I almost burst out laughing. “That’s something friends and couples do,” I said. “I can’t go to something like that alone.” The thought of being seen standing by myself in a crowded museum was enough to make me panic.

The thought of being seen standing by myself in a crowded museum was enough to make me panic.

So I tried to fill my days the best I could. I picked up a huge stack of books and started spending my down time reading alone in my apartment. I became a total hermit — I’d spend Friday nights reading, or scrolling through Tumblr, or watching Netflix. Eventually, I got to be okay with the idea of spending time alone — as long as no one could see me.

One day, I was flipping through the book How To Be Parisian Wherever You Are, and came across a passage called “Off The Radar.” It talks through a pretty romantic-sounding scene of a woman sitting alone in a café with her coffee. I started noticing that, throughout the book, there were little mentions of how French women don’t mind being alone sometimes, be it on park benches, at cafés, in bars, wherever. It sounded kind of nice — and kind of sexy, to be honest.

Now, I am a self-proclaimed Francophile. There is nothing I’d love more than to be a fabulous French woman, and I have absolutely zero shame in admitting that. So I thought that if being alone was trés Français, then dammit, I’d try it. (I’d like to take this opportunity to point out how absurd it is that a book romanticizing French women was what inspired me to change my thinking, but at least I’m self-aware.)

I started off small. I grabbed a coffee and went on a walk by myself through Central Park, taking some time to sit on a park bench and look out over the Azalea Pond. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed myself, and just how nice it was to be alone with my thoughts for a while. I can do this, I thought. A few days later, on my walk home from the subway, I decided to pop into the bar a few doors down from me, order a vodka, and chat with the bartender. It was terrifying at first, but the vodka helped calm my nerves, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the other people at the bar were friendly and chatty.

I started taking myself out on a regular basis, slowly testing my threshold for being alone. I saw the aforementioned Met exhibit by myself, and I found that I actually preferred going to museums solo. The biggest test, though, came one night when I decided to take myself out to an early dinner. I’d done this before, but I usually opted to sit at the bar so that I’d have people to talk to. But it was a particularly gorgeous night in early October, so this time I asked for a table for one outside. Not only would I be alone, but I’d be alone in plain view of every pedestrian who walked down that sidewalk. And being in New York, that meant a lot of people.

I sat down, ordered a glass of wine and some pasta, and then tried to relax. I’d brought a book, but instead of reading it, I sipped my wine and forced myself to people-watch. I expected people to stare at the girl eating alone on a Saturday night, but most people breezed right by without a second glance. And it was in that moment that I realized that being alone wasn’t just something I could tolerate; it could actually be kind of nice.

It was in that moment that I realized that being alone wasn’t just something I could tolerate; it could actually be kind of nice.

So now I try to date myself whenever I get the chance. I actually prefer to go to my neighborhood bar alone now, because I’ve made friends with some of the bartenders and regulars there. I’ve had great conversations with random people on park benches, and have silently stood next to strangers in museums, staring at beautiful pieces of art. I do still feel lonely from time to time, but I’ve realized that I’m never really alone — there’s always someone around to strike up a conversation with. As for my aversion to walking into places first? I’m still working on it. But lately, if someone holds the door open for me, I find myself thanking them and walking in first.

After being raised on a steady diet of Disney movies, I expected to meet someone and fall passionately in love — but wound up collapsing under the pressures of modern dating. Luckily, I eventually realized that there’s no “right” way to date, and that I need to find happiness within myself, no partner needed. It’s Not You is where I write to calm the voices in my head — and hear from all of you. Follow me on Twitter, on Instagram, or email me at maria.delrusso@refinery29.

Carrie Askin, a therapist and co-director at treatment center Menergy, said people who struggle with anger usually have difficulty dealing with emotions that make them feel vulnerable. As a result, these softer emotions are expressed aggressively. “Anger is rarely just anger; it’s usually secondary to vulnerable feelings such as disappointment, shame, anxiety, and sadness. Most of us would much rather feel powerful than helpless or anxious. People who act out in anger can change. The first step is taking responsibility for the behavior,” Askin told The Cheat Sheet.

Are you in a relationship with a partner who has difficulty regulating anger? Here are some reliable strategies for managing a loved one with anger issues.

Allow your partner to vent

Venting (and lending an ear to your partner) will prevent arguments. | Jacoblund/iStock/Getty Images

If your partner is angry about something that happened at work, for example, don’t immediately jump at the chance to offer advice. Allow him or her to vent these frustrations. You can most effectively show your support by giving your partner the space and freedom to express these emotions.

It’s nice that you want to help, but not every problem needs to be solved by you. Just having an opportunity to talk things out might be all your partner needs. “Sometimes people just need to vent and want someone to hear them out,” said Kimberly Hershenson, a New York City-based therapist who specializes in relationships.

Validate your partner’s feelings

Never make your partner feel like their feelings aren’t important. | Princigalli/iStock/Getty Images

Instead of shaming your partner for being angry, acknowledge how he or she is feeling. Let your partner know that you’re there to help work through whatever is troubling him or her. Remind your significant other that you’re a team.

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a relationship therapist and founder of The Marriage Restoration Project, told us validation is a tool that can help diffuse a tense situation. “When you validate your partner’s feelings by letting your partner know he or she makes sense, you’re on your way to learning how to control anger in a relationship and provide a calm presence for the storm that is the anger. It doesn’t mean you agree with your partner, it just means you’ve decided to be the first person that will create the calm necessary to proceed,” said Slatkin.

Don’t engage in similar behavior

Try to move on from the argument — not partake in it. | Gpointstudio

If you and your partner are arguing and he or she becomes noticeably angry, it’s important for you to remain calm. One thing you don’t want to do is escalate an already volatile situation. “Don’t engage. It’s easy to fight back when someone explodes. Use your self-discipline and stay cool. It’s a lot harder for someone with anger issues to stay angry when you’re calm. Meet anger with understanding, not rage,” said relationship expert April Masini.

Talk when you’re both calm

Have a concern? Don’t wait until an argument to bring it up. | Monkeybusinessimages/iStock/Getty Images

One of the worst times you can address your partner’s anger is during an angry outburst. Wait until you’ve both calmed down and then carve out some time to talk. Take time to gently bring your partner’s anger to his or her attention. Let your significant other know how the behavior makes you feel and seek solutions together.

And sometimes that’s true.

More often, though, they’re more like angry tramps who live in bins.

Like any supposedly glamorous industry, writing is a lot less fancy than you might imagine – and writers are a lot less exciting in real life too.

Here are a dozen reasons not to look for love in a library, or for the man or woman behind the words.

1. They’re always broke

For every JK Rowling there are thousands of writers hammering away on computer keyboards and bringing in no money whatsoever.

2. They work weird hours

Good writing doesn’t follow a timetable, and inspiration often strikes at unsociable times.

3. They procrastinate

Another reason for weird hours: we put everything off to the last-minute.

‘I love deadlines,’ the late, great Douglas Adams wrote. ‘I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.’

Give us a month to do a job and we’ll start it the night before deadline.

4. They’re often working two jobs

The same EU report that found writers were skint also found that only half of authors said that writing was their main source of income.

The other half fitted writing around the day or night job.

5. They are emotional rollercoasters

Few people oscillate as dramatically between euphoria and despair as writers.

We’re either worrying about being too busy or not busy enough, feeling mighty or mediocre, praising our rivals or sticking pins in voodoo dolls of them.

6. They’re a pain

Not all writers, no. But some writers take themselves, their art or their suffering a little bit too seriously, and that can make them crashing bores to be around.

7. They’re always in the kitchen at parties

Many writers are like vampires, spending their time locked away from people and sunlight – and like vampires, when they do go out, things often get messy.

Neck biting is thankfully rare, but many writers are very shy. Some of us overcompensate by going a bit manic when given the chance to talk about a pet subject.

8. They won’t let you read their stuff and then they force you to

Writers are very precious about their works in progress, and hell mend anyone who sneaks a peak before they’re ready.

But when they are ready, they’ll chase you around the flat, demanding you read their masterpiece right now.

9. They don’t like criticism

‘Tell me what you think!’ doesn’t mean tell them what you think. It means tell them what they want to hear.

Otherwise, prepare for the mother of all sulks.

10. They might write about you

Writers are often advised to write about what they know, and that might be you.

Not everybody wants to see themselves in print, no matter how flattering.

11. They might not write about you

What’s worse than seeing yourself in print? Seeing someone else you think you know praised in print.

That’s right.
After 45 minutes on a mediocre date with a project manager, Pylant got to watch his second one. And then his third.
And later, his fourth, fifth, and sixth.
 

Throughout the night, as it became evermore clear that this guy had set up his own evening of speed-dating, Pylant began bonding with the other women and, ultimately, intercepting his dates and creating a badass girl group.
As her tweets show, after she left the first bar with two of his other dates, the bartender alerted her that more of them kept coming.
“I’m stealing his dates and making them my friends and I’m SO HERE FOR IT,” she tweeted.
 

Pylant and the other women branched off to get dinner and drinks (after they’d put a couple of drinks on their mutual date’s tab) and continued to steal his dates away to form their own posse.
 

According to Pylant’s tweets, the dude in question thought he could get away with going on six dates in one night because he’s a project manager who just knows how to “manage [his] time efficiently.”
They weren’t even dates, apparently ― he told Pylant they were “pre-date conversations.”
 

Pylant’s original tweet and the subsequent threads have gone viral, amassing thousands of favorites and retweets even though the date was less than 24 hours ago.
“You win some you lose some,” she wrote at the end of the night. “But hopefully you make three new best friends in the process.”
Ah, the beauty of female friendships.