I stupidly became over-friendly with a man at work and it nearly blew up my marriage.

We never actually had sex, but we talked all the time and flirted heavily with each other.

I know deep down it would have gone further if I’d let it, but I’ve never cheated on my husband.

The other guy is single (divorced), so he didn’t have anything to lose.

The long and short of it is, my husband got suspicious – it must have been obvious I was hiding something – and he confronted me.

We’ve been together for 14 years and have one daughter who’s nine.

The thing is, I love my husband, but I just lost my way a bit and was very flattered by the attention the man at work was giving me.

It was idiotic and I regret it.

I’ve done my best to show my husband that he can trust me and that I’m sorry, but every so often he’ll have a bit of a meltdown and start questioning me about various things he’s “noticed”, from random notes with addresses to mobile numbers on my call log that he doesn’t recognise.

It’s exhausting and I’m terrified of putting a foot wrong.

The other day, I looked in my rear-view mirror and he was following me on his bike.

I was only going to the shops for some milk and doughnuts for my daughter!

What can I do about this?

Coleen says

He’s lost trust in you and he’s not going to get it back overnight.

He never imagined your relationship would be threatened like this – that you could get so close to another man – so it’s going to take time and reassurance.

I don’t think you should have to reassure him for the rest of your life, but you do have to keep talking.

Equally, he needs to accept that he can’t be following you around on his bike every time you leave the house to buy doughnuts.

Try to be more understanding – put yourself in his shoes.

You’ve really hurt him and put a big question mark over the relationship.

You absolutely can get through it, but you have to be honest about how and why it happened.

You say you felt lost, but what was missing from the relationship? Did you feel undervalued, not desired, bored maybe?

Both of you have to look at how you can make things better, so the relationship isn’t vulnerable.

I’m hoping for some advice on my marriage, as I feel very guilty about forming friendships with other men that my husband knows nothing about.

We’re both in our mid-40s, have been married for 12 years and have one daughter. I’ve always worked from home, even before the pandemic, while my husband goes into an office. I’ve got to know our local area and the people really well and have made lots of connections.

Over the past few years, I’ve become close to several men and the ­relationships have all been very flirtatious and we’ve connected over social media and messaged each other.

First, it was a trainer at the gym, then one of the dads from school, then a much younger guy who works in a local ­restaurant, and there have been more.

Nothing sexual has happened with any of them, although I did kiss one a few times and know it would have gone further if I hadn’t stopped it.

I always stop things before they cross a line into sex, but then I go looking for someone else. I can see that it’s a pattern and I’d love to know what you think I should do.

Coleen says

It sounds as if you have a very strong need to feel desired, get attention from other men, and to know that guys still want you.

That’s all coming from ­somewhere and maybe the roots are in your past or it’s because you’re craving something you’re not getting from your husband. Is he not making you feel attractive and wanted?

So you need to think about what’s driving this pattern. If it’s something that’s lacking in your husband and your marriage, then you need to address it with him and work through it.

If it’s something from your childhood or teenage years – maybe you had to fight for attention or felt overlooked – then counselling would be a good place to start. I suspect it’s coming from a place of insecurity. You’re still fighting for ­attention when you don’t have to.

However, you’re fooling yourself if you think it’s not damaging your marriage or you’re not really doing anything wrong because sex isn’t involved.

Becoming emotionally intimate with these men is still cheating and the lies and secrecy are damaging.

So think about your motivation and if you still don’t understand why you’re doing it, then try therapy.