I’ve fallen in love with a much older guy against my better judgment and I’m looking for some reassurance.

I’m 36 and he’s 59, and soon to turn 60. He’s really fit and young looking for his age, he’s divorced but doesn’t have kids, and if it weren’t for the age thing he’d be perfect.

Psychologically, I’m ­struggling with the idea of him turning 60 – I know it’s only a number, but dating someone in their 60s just feels different somehow and he suddenly seems older.

I know this probably sounds quite cold, but I don’t want to end up being his carer when I’m in my 40s and I also want to have kids, which he’s up for, too.

That surprised me, as I thought having children would be a deal breaker, especially as he’s not a father already and he and his ex-wife chose not to start a family.

The trouble is, I love him and care about him now, but I don’t think this nagging worry about his age will just disappear.

I’m pretty sure he’s going to ask me to marry him, so I know I need to decide what I want soon. Can you help?

Coleen says

My ex-hubby is 64 and doesn’t look it or act it, but you can meet 40-year-olds who are very set in their ways, so I think ­attitude is what keeps you young and engaged with life. But 24 years is a significant age gap, so if you have doubts you need to express them.

The way forward is, to be honest with your partner, confront those fears and talk about what the ­challenges might be in years to come and how you’ll cope.

For example, at 36, you’re at a point in your life when you need to think seriously about trying for a baby soon because you don’t know how long it’ll take or if there’ll be fertility problems.

He might be saying he wants children because he doesn’t want to lose you, but how will he cope with the challenges of being a new parent? Will most of the work be down to you and will that cause resentment?

I have a friend who married a man 25 years older than she is and when she hit 40 and he turned 65, they started to run into problems because he was content being at home, but she wasn’t ready to sit in front of the telly every Saturday night, and they broke up.

You’ve probably given your partner a whole new lease of life and you’re both in love, so you don’t want to think about any negative aspects, but it’s better to be prepared for the potential challenges, so don’t put off the conversation.

The power of a woman’s intuition. You don’t have to do so much for us to know the intentions of your heart. We know.

I had known David for two years and each time he came around, he looked like he had something to tell me but lacked the courage to say it.

He’ll sit next to me, engage in fruitless conversations, and later tell me, “Remind me the next time we meet that I have something to tell you.”

I’ll meet him the next time, remind him about it and he’ll go ahead and say something different.

Then one day, he had the courage to tell me what he had planned to tell me all along.

“He said, “You’re down to earth lady and that makes me want to be with you. If there’s no one in your life, can I be the one? I promise I’m not here to break your heart. It has taken me a lot of strength and courage to be able to tell you this. I mean every word, just try me.”

I responded, “What do you see in me?” He said a lot of things that didn’t make sense in my ears but you can’t blame him, love itself doesn’t make sense. I told him, “Let me think about it for a while. Let’s see what comes up in the end.”

In the end, I told him I loved him too. I told him I was ready to give us a chance to see what the future holds for the two of us.

Our love story began that day and the two of us moved from strength to strength. One thing I loved about him; he always knew what I wanted even before I said it.

At one time he bought me a pair of slippers and if he didn’t bring those pairs that day, the next day I would have gone out and bought the same pair because I’d thought about getting them for a whole month.

I asked him, “Do you read my mind or you live in my mind? How are you able to do exactly what I’d always wanted to do for myself?” He answered, “When two hearts get intertwined, the minds think the same way.”

MORE:

• Defeated MP shocks constituents

• University of Ghana sets date for academic activities for fresh students

• Check out where Akufo-Addo’s swearing-in will take place [Photos]

I screamed, “Eiii Mr. Words” and we both laughed. 

Two or three months later was his birthday. I asked him, “How old would you be?” and he answered, “I would be 28.” I mentioned his age back to him, “You’ll be 28?” He answered, “You think I’m a small boy?” I answered in my head, “Yes I think you’re a small boy because I’m six years older than you are.”

That’s when he asked about my age. I didn’t know what to say immediately so I told him, “You don’t ask a woman’s age, you find out.”

When he laughed, I gave a fake smile. I wasn’t happy about the age difference. And I knew he wouldn’t be happy about it too but I wasn’t ready to tell him either. “He should find out for himself.”

Six months later was also my birthday. When he asked how old I was going to be, I told him, “I would be twenty-eight.” He screamed, Eish, our ages are close but no matter how you look at it, I’m way older than you are so show some respect.” I smiled and said, “Yes grandpa!”

I remember that birthday, the cake I received from him came with the inscription, “Happy 28th Birthday.” I’d wanted to cry. 

Maybe I didn’t believe the relationship would go far or I didn’t think that David would be the man to take me seriously enough to propose marriage.

The day he said we should get married was the day I should have confessed my age to him and see what he makes out of it but I didn’t. Instead, I asked him, “One of my friend’s boyfriend left her yesterday because my friend is five years older than him. How can the guy do that? Age is just a number?” David responded, “It’s just a number ooo but some men wouldn’t like to see their wives age quickly while they remain young.” I only smiled and changed the topic.

A year later, he held my hand and the two of us walked the aisle. The night before the wedding, I didn’t sleep. I thought about it all night until my thoughts turned into a nightmare. I wanted to tell him I was older. I wanted to let him know that I was on earth six years before he came.

“What if he calls off the wedding?” You guys have come a long way to risk it on the night before your wedding. If he doesn’t know then he won’t know.” I didn’t tell him. We both went to the altar, exchanged our vows, and left the church with happy smiles on our lips. Happiness is better than the age difference.

We’ve been married for two years. Had a baby seven months ago and still keeping a happy family. The ball now is in my court, to age or not to age. To be older than my husband and still look younger than he is isn’t impossible.

I’ve learned to eat well, drink a lot of water and exercise very well to keep in shape. My husband had grown a lot bigger and his hair is slowly receding. He’ll go bald soon and look older.

It looks like the universe is on my side on this one. I’ll keep myself together to remain younger because age is just a number.  

—Alicia