After realizing the person I loved, loved someone else, I finally decided to let go of him completely. It was not easy but it was worth it.
My relationship with God, my family and my good friends is now the most important part of my life.
In fact, I’d say I am gradually gaining emotional maturity and now my priority is healthy and quality relationships rather than vain, wasteful and stressful ones, which have no value. I devote quality time to the people who care about me and I also care about. I am deriving daily strength and wisdom for living from that.
But I walked away with some valuable lessons. I realized communication was not my strongest point. I am now learning the value of communicating more openly about issues. It is a much better feeling than coiling in my shells and feeling lonely and often defeated and angered by things that I could easily deal with if only I could communicate with the right people.
When I recollect the past, I realize that when conflicts happen in my relationship, I’m often the first person to reach out and attempt to resolve matters. I’m usually quick to ask for forgiveness and also quick to forgive. That is not particularly wrong, but I realized in my case it was all because I felt I was not enough without the other.
That was why for me, letting go of someone is particularly difficult. In fact, up until a few months ago, I couldn’t imagine myself making the decision to let go of a relationship altogether. My thing has always been, “we can work it out.” And sometimes for me, “working it out” meant accepting, or tolerating things that deep inside I didn’t want to tolerate. That is a feeling of vulnerability, which I am gradually overcoming.
There is always the proverbial “one day” for everyone. That is the day when one wakes up from a false dream, a deceptive way of thinking, a mirage; and wakes up to the reality of having to take care of her own emotions through the help of God, instead of ceding that responsibility to people who have their own issues to deal with.
I count myself blessed that my “one day” came a few months ago, and I have woken up to that reality so I could easily let go of that relationship and let God have His in my life. I got to a point in my life, where I knew the pain truly outweighed my desire to keep working it out. So as the song writer sung, I have to say “Jesus take the wheel”.
Now here’s a BettyBlueMenz Perspective; letting go of the relationship was painful, even though the relationship itself drained me heavily. I invested a lot in a number of such relationships and most often, the ones with whom I was deeply involved for many months, caused me the most pain and trauma.
Whereas it is very tempting for the pain to make you hang on for fear of moving on to another relationship, which can cause even more pain, it can also be fuel for you to take hold of your life and say I am in charge of my emotions – no one else can fix my pain but God – I can’t blame anyone and or keep holding on to this relationship as if that is the panacea to my happiness.
But it all depends on the type of relationship and the persons involved. It is usually harder to let go of a marriage, particularly when it involves children. It is much easier to do so with a business partnership or a friendship. However, there are some particular types of conflict in every relationship that lead to the realization it’s time to say goodbye.
Most close relationships can survive the occasional incident of lying or dishonest behavior. Even some marriages can survive a one-time affair through counseling and healing. But consistent and repetitive instances of dishonesty, infidelity and disloyalty suggest you are dealing with a chronic character rather than a one or two time mistake.
I have had to deal with this same issue many times over the months, and knowing I will not be true to myself if I remain connected to this person, I had to let go. No matter how many positive qualities he may have, consistent deceit will chip away my respect for him and vice versa.
If something bears repeating, it must be repeated. One of the most valuable lessons I have learnt in recent times about relationships is that communication is a two way affair and 99% of the survival of every relationship depends on it. Once communication becomes a one way traffic, then it is NOT a relationship; it is obvious one party is not willing to make things work. This could be any kind of relationship; business, family or love. If you are not communicating, you are the one allowing the relationship to fail; you are the one denying the relationship any dog chance of survival. That was the point I came to and I had to let go.
Letting go of someone you love is painful and sometimes very complicated, but in the end, you must ask yourself if the positives are worth the negatives; if the connection is lifting you up or dragging you down; if you feel better with or without this person. Ultimately, the most important relationship you must save is the one you have with yourself and with God.
I rest my case here…