One interesting thing about divorce is that it is leveler; victims cut across wide spectrum from the rich to the poor, young and old, Christians and non-Christians. Divorce also has no respect for life.
For example, whereas a client’s marriage lasted for just a day, it is known that in1984, Simon and Ida stern of the United States ended their 60-year old marriage when he was 97 and she was 90 years old!
Causes
The causes of divorce differ from one couple to another. Some are frivolous as couples end their marriage over issues such as toothpaste, dressing of bedroom, snoring and menu.
There is a case of a man who left his wife because she prepared fufu but didn’t add koobi or salted fish to the soup. However, the leading causes of divorce in Ghana include money, in-law interferences, parenting, disappointing sex, desertion and sexual unfaithfulness.
In general, however, partners leave marriages because their emotional needs are not met.
A man’s topmost emotional needs are respect, attractive wife and good domestic care but a woman’s topmost emotional needs include affection, companionship, family commitment and financial security.
Effect
No matter who is at fault, divorce is a major blow to the victims. Most go through anxiety, bitterness and frustration. Stress from divorce may predispose you to many diseases such as high blood pressure and stroke.
Financially, you become less productive and socially have decreased support from friends and relatives.
Women are more prone to harm from divorce because they see marriage as a source of security and social pride.
They also have greater difficulty getting over problems because they see them in greater detail and may get overwhelmed.
It is said that the majority of our women in our mental homes have marital related issues.
Men handle divorce better because they easily file away their problems. His greatest source of joy is good business and as long as his business booms, he sees marriage as a secondary issue and easily gets over divorce. This partly explains why men leave marriages more than women.
What to do
Feel the pain and allow yourself to grief. Shed tears if you can because tears heal. Take responsibility for your part of the problem because every problem is shared but stop blaming yourself for what you should have done.
There are no guarantees in marriage. Sometimes, the one you love most will leave you when you need him or her most and for no obvious reasons
Have a positive outlook of life. Let go of the hurt. Forgive yourself and your ex. Be patient because it takes time to heal. It is also advisable you don’t jump into a rebound relationship just to fill in your loss.
Settle down and prepare yourself for any possible future relationship. Appreciate, however, that second and third marriages fail faster because partners enter with emotional baggage.
Create a supporting system and spend time with good friends and family members. Visit new places and learn new skills.
Get busy and spend time doing what you enjoy doing. Stay healthy and exercise often because it a good antidote to depression.
Today, the majority of marriages fail.What you do after depends on you. Consider such factors as time of loss, level, occupation, family income and life aspirations. What you must not do is to put your life on hold.
The United States of America alone has over 30 million divorced women but life goes on. See your loss as a blessing and opportunity for a new life.
Do what makes you feel happy and useful to yourself. Dream big and move on with your life believing that the glory of the latter days will be greater than the former.
